Hi
Thanks for your replies. I once again contacted Social Services last night only to be fobbed off yet again. Apparently if I abandon him I will be in trouble with the authorities; yet the very fact that his father has also abandoned him seems to be ignored. We have joint parental responsibility so how can this be? No sign of son; when I phoned him he just let out a torrent of abuse and switched his phone off.

Sue, I'm sure you are.... but are you getting help for your own medical conditions? Is your thyroid being treated? An underactice thyroid can make you feel awful! I have an overactive throid and everytime my medication makes it dip under, I know about it... I just lose my spark, my get up and go. I have no energy. I ceetainly find it hard to deal with my children when I feel like that.
If your medication isn't right, please go back, get another blood test, and get your medication tweaked. Go to your doctor. Tell them how you feel and get help for you.
It might be worth contacting the school to see what services are available for him through the school.
I'm sorry I've of no real help... I just know that if your thyroid levels are low you will be really struggling!!! Please get all the help you can get for you.

Thanks my meds are fine. School have given up. He came home last night and said oh yes he would abide by my rules and stop with the drugs and not hang with the people who encourage him to do it; so I let him stay. Guess what he did first thing this morning? Went out again with the so called 'friends' again. I feel such an idiot for believing him. I just sent him a text saying that I won't ever believe what he says again and that the only way now is to show me that things are different. Oh I despair!

You say his biggest fear is being rejected by you but at the same time your biggest threat seems to be sending him away to his dads...who he knows doesn't want him. Seems like a vicious circle going on there, the more you threaten him with it the more rejected by both of you he's going to feel.

Please don't take that as a critism, just an observation from what you wrote.

If your doctor is taking away meds that have been helping you do you think its time to see a different doctor? Some just aren't that empathetic towards depression and mid-counselling seems like a very strange time to take away a crutch.

SS wouldn't see his dad leaving him as abandoment as he left him with you to care for him, they ought to though, he's not only abandoned him but emotionally abused him too.

Sorry I cant help more than that, it sounds like a tough situation for you both and I hope you find a way through it. Always someone here to listen so keep talking if its helping you.

Sue,

I had a step son exactly like that and we ended up placing him in a treatment center for disturbed children. He was there a year and a half which gave our household some peace for a little while. He is now 18 a drop out and out of the house but his anger issues arn't as profound as they were so the treatment center was able to teach him to control that. Have you thought of a big brother type person that will listen to him as well as be a mentor. It sounds like he needs a father figure someone who is tough and won't put up with his attitude and put him in his place. Good luck!

Lori (and everyone) thanks for your replies.

Unfortunately there is nowhere for him to go. Unless he gets into the Youth Justice system again for something really serious nothing will be done. Social Services do not have the resources to accomodate 15 to 16 year olds in our area of the UK. This is why I keep trying to send him to his fathers; it isn't because I want to abandon him but I'm trying to help him see that his behaviour is intolerable and has to change before I can have him here. He is making me ill but doesn't seem to care.

Any help he gets is on a voluntary basis and he won't engage with any of it. I do not have a partner but I do have an old school friend who may be able to talk to him but the problem here is that he is a recreational drug user himself so is bound to be biased towards illegal substance use. I fear it would look as though I am condoning the very behaviour I am trying to curb in him.

His elder sister has taken him in for a few days even though this is not ideal because she has a toddler who doesn't need to see his bad behaviour. But at least I know he is safe until Friday. I know he won't come back here because he hates me at the moment and is not speaking to me. So I've no idea what will happen from there.