Boy can I relate to your post. I am a step parent to a 12 year old girl, soon to be 13 in October. When my husband and I married, she was 4 years old. My husband has primary residential custody of his daughter so she has always lived with us. She would see her mom occasionally, like every couple of weeks. They have always had a rocky relationship because her mom doesn't really know how to be a mom. When my daughter was 6, her real mom moved to Las Vegas without saying good-bye. We got a message on the answering machine and that was that. My 12 year old was devastated at the time and I was there to comfort her.
She feels the same way many times that your daughter feels. I think it must be really hard to feel abandoned by your biological parent. That is what my daughter goes through. Her real mom never calls, never writes, never emails. She sees her mom once a year for that fun-filled weekend, where every activity is crammed into one weekend. It is difficult.
I also remember back to being that age. I had a great life, great parents, great house etc. However the grass was always greener at my friend's house. Things were always better over there, I mean at my friends house they had Kool-Aid!!
From what I read in your post, I pat you on the back for stepping up to the plate as dad to the kids. You are doing a great job. I recommend keeping an eye on your daughter, and if your wife and you feel that she is getting depressed or really anxious, then you need to seek some professional help for her. It might be that she needs someone to talk to that is outside of the family and situation.
My 12 year old sometimes thinks her life stinks, etc. I think some of that comes from the age, because in my heart I know that I am doing the right things for her.
