Hi Sarah,
Does your eldest daughter have any contact with her dad and is your youngest daughter your ex husband?
I kind of know what your going through, I have 3 children from a previous marriage and my 8 yr old daughter is very similar. My ex husband walked out when she was 3yrs old and I have a new husband now. My daughter is so nasty to me and we argue all the time, yet she adores mynew husband who she calls dad! My ex wants contact,but my daughter doesn't, yet she is still so angry towards me!!
I have been told its her way of dealing with her emotions and she knows that I wont walk out, so treats me terribly.
I wouldcertainly say try and get help please, as she may need to see a councillor to talk through her feelings.
'The other thing which is a big deal is she has something she calls "the thing" inside her head telling her to do things. Like, she has to turn the bathroom light on and off 3 times in a row or she will die......or she has to say goodnight to me twice or I will die.......things like that. And washing her hands - she washes her hands then washes them again, over and over. I've tried making light of this and ignoring it but it gets trying and I know it bothers her. '
This sounds like OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) and you should see a doctor for help. Its a serious condition and needs proper treatment.
The 'thing' could be voices, which is a sign of a personality disorder and ties in well with OCD and her overall negativity and behaviour. Before you panic, personality disorders CAN be treated very well with CBT (cognitive behavorial therapy), which is based on changing the way someone thinks about things, from negative to positive, so they can find the positive even in negative situations. (In other words she'll see she is beautiful and accept she doesn't need to be like her sister to think of herself as succesful). It takes time though, so don't expect a miracle recovery.
I think you know that the loop you've got into isn't helping, but its an easy one to fall into. Don't be afraid to ask for some support for yourself too, your coping with an awful lot on your own.
Cant imagine what the social worker was playing at if she couldn't recognise OCD? Think you've been a bit unlucky in support so far, hopefully they'll do better for you both in Spain.
