My daughter also has apergers and you describe her behavior at that age. But be careful, you could be seeing things into his behavior because you live with it through his dad so you are more aware of it than other parents might be. You could say his not eating at grandmas, for instance, is due to him not liking having to share the attention and thats a typical way for a young child to ensure it stays on them. Individually all your concerns could have simple answers like that. Agree with Nicki (as usual!), talk to other people who care for him and see what they think, thats usually a good guide as to whether we're reading too much into something or not.