Children test boundaries. Maybe she feels out of control and is trying to control everything to help herself feel in control and to test the boundaries. Stop doing everything for her. Tell her if she does not get it then she's out of luck. When she has her tantrum ask her to go to her room to calm down or to sit on the couch to calm down. Give her incentive to do things on her own. Give her a small chore list or put rewards to acomplishments. Example: cleaning up toys get a sticker when she has gotten so many stickers let her pick a treat or a movie or something. My son began behaviour like this when he turned 3 and now he's almost 6 and it's fading. the key is to let go. It's not your problem if she's upset because she won't do things for herself.