It sounds to me she has ALPHA female syndrome (not sure if it exists but my 9 year old daughter has it!).
My daughter can be so horrible to me and say the most awful things to me.
My husband and I just dont know what to do either. No punishment seems to get through to her. I often have to walk away before I say something I will regret.
we are going to try getting her to keep a diary.
Hi,I have a 9 year old girl and a 7 year old boy,they are both naughty,rude,have tantrums,they don't respect me or their father,anything we say is a joke to them,they never listen and they are driving us mad,we felt like we had no control,i didnt know what else to do.So I searched the net on ideas of what I can do,I came across a child behaviour repair kit,i used it consistantly for 2 weeks and the changes in my children was unbelievable,they now listen,no tantrums and no back chat,like 2 different kids.The kit is expensive around $65 but if it doesnt work you get your money back.This is the link http://72b9d79er33zl35x5-mmy4ve2r.hop.clickbank.net/
This literally saved my family.