I have an 11 year daughter who is causing us a lot of problems with tantrums. She has been having them since she was 18months old so I no that it is not her age but she is getting a lot worse.
She mouths off at us, shouts at us, runs away, wishes we would all die. Everytime she starts we try to calm her down and reason with her. Unfortunately she cannot be reasoned with. For example she was told if she didn't calm down she would be banned from the TV etc etc. In the end she was banned from the TV, the computer and going out for a week. She still has not learned from this experience. We are at our wits end and have finally booked an appointment with the doctor as we believe she has a behavoural problem. Please help!!!!

'Everytime she starts we try to calm her down and reason with her. '

Don't!!! Ignore her, send her to her room, leave the room yourself if needs be but don't pamper her outbursts. If she didn't grow out of them at the toddler stage and that has always been your tactic to handle them it sounds like she may have missed out on learning how to cope with frustrations (which is what toddler tantrums are all about...its there window to learn to calm down to cope with all the difficult situations life throws at us, we naturally want to fix it whether its to keep them happy or keep them quiet but it backfires on us in the long run). She will no doubt go to extra lengths at first but put your foot down and be strong and get the message through loud and clear that she will NOT get your attention until she being reasonable...and then give her lots.

She will have learnt from not having the tv etc, but what she will have learnt is that next time she must shout louder/behave worse to get her own way.

(If you ever feel like backing down imagine her in a few years time behaving the same way...she'll be bigger than you and have better stunts to pull...could you cope with her behaviour then?)