My recently turned 13 year old daughter wants to attend a sleepover birthday party at a new friends house. I was informed that boys were to be @ this party only until 11pm then they would be going home. I told her she could not go for several reasons first and formost because I have never met this friend of hers or her parents. and second because there is no reason for a 13 year old girl to have a party involving boys @ night.

She took this hard and tried every angle to get me to change my mind " you can meet her parents when you drop me off " and just about every other trick in her arsenal. now I am wondering if I am being to hard on her because after the situation elevated she ended up grounded for being disrespectful and mouthy so she is in her room for the weekend.

I am not sure which bothers me more, having my daughter hate me because I wont let her have her way. or Knowing that all these other parents are ok with this party?

Am I missing something?

I let my 13 year old daughter go to a party where there were boys sleeping overnight. I spoke to her about it... I do (vaguely) know the other parents... and the party was a long way away. I explained my reservations to my daughter and she said "Oh mum, I'm going with all my friends. You know we'll be sensible and we'll be alright. I'm not interested in being silly". And I know she and her friends are alright. They are sensible (within reason) and have their head screwed on. The other parents were there and were going to be there all night. I spoke to the mother when we dropped them off. The boys and girls were sleeping in different rooms. The other girl just lived a long way away so didn't want parents to have to go to collect at 11pm!
I saw this bunch of children at my own daughter's party. She had a swimming party last summer and both boys and girls came. They were all perfectly well behaved.
I suppose, it comes down to you knowing your daughter. If her friends are sensible... it'll be fine.
How about letting your daughter invite her friends around a bit. Get to know them See what you think about them.

About her hating you... that'll pass... She doesn't mean it. It's just because she didn't get what she wanted this time... that's ok. She can't always have what she wants.

I think now you have said no you need to stick to your desicion but let her know its not her you don't trust its the boys and the fact you don't know her friends parents. Talk to her about what the rules are for future parties so she can take some responsibilty next time you have to say no.

I'm sure in the long run she'll respect you more for protecting her than giving in to her. Although I agree with Nicki, provided I knew the other kids and they were good ones I probably would have said yes.

The main problem is that this is a brand new friend and the very first time I even heard her name was when she asked to go to this sleep over a couple days ago. And the result of this new friend has caused her to lose a lot of her regular friends that I know very well that have been staying at my home and vise versa for years.(they don't like her new friend) I would never let my daughter even visit a house whose parents I do not know, that is full of kids that I also do not know. ( If I knew them it would be a non issue ) Perhaps you folks havent read my other posts regarding my daughter "it's been a while since I have posted" but she was kidnapped for 7 years and after you live through something like that you are far more cautious when it comes to strangers." people always think that would never happen to me " I am living proof that it can and does happen.

To comment for the other reply, It is fantastic that you have that kind of trust in your 13 year old daughter to let her stay in the same house with boys overnight... I however, do not have that trust for my daughter, or the boys for that matter!! I was a 13 year old boy once too.

Don, it is different if your daughter has a brand new friend!. I have to admit, when my daughter was invited to the party of the same girl whose party she just went to when she was 11, I didn't let her go as she had only just met this new friend. However, now , I know her (not well... but I do know she's ok) and I have met the parents. I feel very different about it now.
If your daughter has a new friend, get your daughter to invite her round, so you can meet her. If you get her parents to collect her, you'll meet them too.
It is scary as our children grow as we have to let go of them. It must be even harder for you, due to the awful experience you and your daughter went through. It does make a difference that my daughter is going to parties in a well established friendship group. I know these girls fairly well. One has been a friend since they were 4 and we are friends with her family. I know that these friends would look after each other is someone was behaving out of hand. She has been invited to another sleepover, of a boy.. and I have discussed sleeping arrangements etc... and I know she is sleeping in a room with her friends and I know this will happen. I also know the parents whose house this is at. If your daughter isn't in this situation, stick to your guns. Try to get to know the new friends.
Don't worry about her reaction... she doesn't really hate you. She's cross and that's ok. The other parents who are ok with the party may well know the children involved and the parents and the houses. You can't know that.
Good luck.... and by the way... my daughter has been banned from sleepovers until March due to being mouthy and disrespectful over New year... that's their age. It's just our job to help them get through this difficult time and learn that you can't be rude.

Agreed ! and thanks for the comments, last night I let her come down from her room, sat her down and made sure that she knew exactly why she didn't get to go to the party, and exactly why she was confined to her room since Thursday night. And ways to avoid the problem in the future. She was understanding and last night and today so far have been great.

She is inviting her new friend and her parents over for dinner soon