I don't know if this would interest any of you, but i have found that Reward Charts have worked absolute wonders with my 3 children, especially the 2 boys. They used to squabble and argue and fight constantly. My wife and i were pulling out hair out trying to control them. My wife saw some Reward Charts (i can't remember where), so i made them one each, based on their favourite characters, and the transformation has been very very noticable. One mention of 'you won't get your sticker' and they do as they have been asked.
Well, my wife asked me to set up a website, so she could help out other parents with 'difficult' children (meant in the nicest possible way). It can be found at: The Reward Chart: Parenting Skills
The site is still in it's infancy, and as we make each new chart it will be added accordingly. If you are looking for a specific one and cannot see it on the site, please, please feel free to contact me, and i will happily design one for you.
They can be customised to your needs. i.e. your childs name, and a selection of up to 6 tasks they must try to complete. The reward part at the bottom can either be printed for you with the number of stickers required, or you can write on it in washable marker (so you can re-use the charts). The same can be done for what the reward is that they are working towards. They come in A4 size (approx.), printed on to 120gsm and then laminated for a long lasting waterproof, childproof finish.
Sorry to negate, but, have you read the book, "Punished by Rewards" by Alfie Kohn? He also talks about praise and charts. They are all, like you say, ways of CONTROLLING the child. At some point children rebel against control. They don't feel you are on their side and they do well only temporarily and not because they care, but because they want the praise/chart mark, sticker etc. They learn to be good puppies on your hoops, not highly moral effective people form within themselves.
So, you can enjoy controlling children with charts, praise and other external motivators and they will do for a while what you want. But eventually they will realize that they are in your net and they want out.
Dr. Kohn follow up with the book Unconditional Parenting where is explains the harm of all types of controlling children. Then, comes Aldort's book, Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves, and gives you the actual tools to have children who really really really behave well: Not because of charts or rewards, but because THEY WANT TO, of their own free will.
