My husband and I live 800 miles away from my family. Over the last 12 years I have visited them AT LEAST once a year yet very few have come to visit me. I now have an 18 month old daughter and in those 18 months of her life, my father has come to visit her every 3 months (my parents are divorced). My mother, whom I speak with almost every day, has come only once, a year ago, and none of my siblings or other family has visited and I'm becoming very bitter about it. Whenever I mention visiting, I usually get a lecture about how I am the one who moved away and therefore I am the one who should travel. (Side note: I was forced to move away from home when I was 9 because of my mother's job. Therefore I didn't "leave" my family, I had no choice. Later, at 20, I was told she was moving back but I had already made a life for myself here). My question is this. My husband suggested we make a trip up to see my family but I feel that they need to make an effort to come here instead. Obviously my daughter is what matters most so am I wrong for not taking her to see the family or are they wrong for not coming to see her? Also, since my father makes frequent trips to see us, it's not fair to him. Would it be completely terrible of us to visit and not see the other half of the family? I think I would feel very guilty about that but I also think that the anger I feel toward those who don't visit my daughter could counteract that guilt. I'm really struggling with this...thank you all.

Hi there - I know just how you feel yet my family don't live that far away. I always visit them but yet they very rarely come to us.
I find it very upseting thinking of this from my childrens point of view and would love very hands on grandparents for them. I also think they have missed out - they have now missed the sports days and school plays as my children are older now.
Like you it really bothered me but I still went to visit anyway, although I don't go as often.
I have come to the conclusion that they have a different relationship with us now, and have accepted this.
It's up to you - you either get on with your life as it is or move nearer. Or every so often give formal invertations and have family weekends at your house.
Must say though that you sound quite hurt/bitter about having to move away when you were so young this could also have alot to do with how your feeling.
Good luck and hope you find what your looking for.

Thank you, Deb! I'm not hurt that I moved away when I was young, I'm hurt that I am held responsible for moving when I had no control over it. My family just can't seem to be happy that I am happy. I like what you said though, you have a different relationship with your family now and you have to accept it. I just can't seem to get that in my head...I need to accept the way it is. I wish you luck, I know how much it hurts for me living far away. I imagine it's even tougher when they live closer.