Friday evening my wife told me she had something to tell me. At first I thought "Uh oh, what have I done now!" this was in the car and my 13 yr old stepson was in the back. She wouldnt tell me, so I left it.
When we got home we went upstairs and whilst I was changing my wife was in my step sons bedroom opening his cabinets. She called me in to bring a tourch so I did, and she told me to shine it underneatht he wardrobe, I did and I found a cigarette packet. I thought that he had be ecperimenting with smoking cigarettes. my wife still didnt say anything, she asked me to search some gameboxes, and whilst I was doinmg do, she said "Adrian, I called the police to Meshach, when I cam e home LAST week, I smelt something and I caught the lad smoking drugs" He is 13 yrs old!!!!!
Well guys, I hit the roof! from day one I met my wife she knew my stance on drugs, ZERO tolerance, the kids knew my stance on drugs ZERO tolerance.
Apparently he bought the joint from a kid at school. I wanted to string him up!! How ever guess who got the blame for it me, "Hes got issues, He's depressed, He's got issues with you.." POPPYCOCK! I said that if he had been 18 he would have been thrown out!
He is just a kid, well I went up the wall didnt I, I wanted to call the police there and then but I couldnt as my wife had already done it. So I went down stairs and I spoke to him. I told him what I wanted to do as to call the police but his mother stopped me.
I hate drugs, drugpushers etc. Perhaps I over reacted. In my own way I wanted to scare my step son enough so he stayed away from the kid he bought the drugs from.
Of course I was to blame.
Parents what would you do? To cap it all, I found out by less than honest means that my daughters boyfriend bought drugs into the house. She told my wife who doesnt know I know anything about it. What hurt me was that it took my wife seven days to tell me. The police were called 7 days before!
Now I find out that she knew that my step daughter's boyfriend bought "waccy baccy" into the house and they know my stance on drugs.
My step daughter is 21, and we dont get on, and 3 months ago her mother and I separated for a month, and the kids went with her.
My wife came back with them. Since she did, Ive bent over backwards to mend our marriage, but finding out that my wife knew that the kids were taking drugs...
This has so given me the opportunity to ask/tell my daughter to pack her backs and go.
I dont know what to do.

PS

Am I over reacting? Should my wife have come clean the week before?
Now I find out that my step daughter told my wife boyfriend of hers bought drugs into my house! and didnt tell me!!!
Am I over reacting!!!

Hi Adrian,

I don't think you're over reacting. There are some things that are OK to keep quiet about.. personally,I don't think drugs is one of them.If anyone brought drugs in to my home to give to my children they would never set foot in my home again. What people choose to do in their own home is their own choice... what they do in someone elses is not. At 13 your son is probably not aware of all the issues around drug use, but if people choose to come in to your home then they respect your rules while they are there. If they can't do that, then they should stay away. Would your step-daughter let you tell her boyfriend what to do in his own home? I don't think so....

Not very helpful, sorry!

Linda

Thanks Linda, Im being made the scape goat and the fall guy for this. IVe done nothing wrong. I dont get on with my Stepdaughter and knowing that her boyfriend brought drugs into the house, and her telling her mother. Ok Im not exactly proud of how I found out, and my wife and step daughter dont know I know. This has given me the opportunity to hoist my stepdaughter out of the house! As for that idiot of a boyfriend, Ive only got to smell it in the house, then he and my stepdaughter will be out. my wife lets them do what they want, and it is okay by her! But not by me. If I did throw my step daughter out, then I would love to be a fly on the wall when she tells who ever why.

Thanks Linda you have been helpful.

Hi Adrian,

I have read your problem, and to be honest, I probably would have reacted the same way, but if the truth be known, and looking at it from an outsiders point of view, maybe you did over react a little. You said that you "Hit the roof" Maybe your wife was putting off telling you because she knew what your reaction would be. Don't take that the wrong way, all I'm saying is that perhaps you and your wife need to talk about it. You both need to get yourselves on the same level with one and other and to approach this together and calmly. In my experience, hitting the roof will only cause the child to rebel against you and even go out of his way to do so. I myself have only just realized this recently. If you make the effort to talk WITH them (and not to them) on the same level, you may make some headway. This may even help you to get along with the step daughter as well.

"Wacky backy" as you so aptly described it, in my opinion is not really "That bad". It really is not much worse than smoking cigarettes or drinking alcohol, provided you don't abuse it. Don't get me wrong, I don't condone smoking drugs but lets look at the bigger picture here, it could have been far worse. Your wife could have found hypodermic needles or even a plastic bag with a suspicious white powder in it. It might pay you to seek professional advice on drugs and get yourself clued up. If I were in your position, I would find out as much as I can about "Cannabis and Marijuana" and then approach the situation more carefully.

Hope this helps, good luck.

Regards,
Rob

It was "weed" which I presume is cannabis, ganja etc.
Yes, I hit the roof, perhaps I said things that I shouldnt of. Rob, the kid is 13 years old. What is a 13 year old doing with that?
To cap it all, my wife knew for a week? If she had said at the time, ok I would have been angry, but she left it a week, and then I find out that my daughters boyfriend bought it into the house. The way I found out wasnt exactly Kosher, but my wife knew about it, and still hasnt said anything to me.
Rob I hate drugs of all descriptions, kids shouldnt be getting hold of them. The punishment that my step son got was far to lenient. He's under house arrest til April.
My wife knew about my stepso, and the fact that my stepdaughters idiot of a boyfriend brought it in to the house. They all knew, as I didnt hide it how I feel about drugs, but they chose to ignore me.
Now Im made out to be the badguy!

Me again, Adrian.

Just wanted to say that you need to go with your gut feeling on this. I've heard all the arguments about marijuana not being a big deal. Rob, if you're reading this, I'm not getting at you personally, you think differently - I'm not saying I'm right and you're wrong.The reason I feel the way I do is that I used to be a Psychiatric Nurse and have spent a lot of time with people going through withdrawals and detox programmes. Not pleasant for anyone to put it mildly. All of them started out on marijuana, or whatever you want to call it, and none of them thought they would end up in the situation they did. So the "they're just experimenting", or "it's not addictive" lines that a lot of people trot out cut no ice with me.

I've seen too many lives ruined and quite a few young lives lost - it's different when you've seen these things with your own eyes. Particularly if you help to break the news to the parents or help to prepare a teenager's body to go to the hospital morgue - it puts a different perspective on things, believe me. By all means, listen to what they have to say, and bear in mind that everyone deserves a second chance, but if you feel really strongly stick to your guns. I know some parents who wish they had.

Take care,
Linda

Linda thank you.

My step son has learning difficulties. My wife mollycoddles him, Me no I wont. do get me wrong I love him dearly but, I will not have drugs in the house. Not happening.

I threatened to string him up (just words meant to scare him) and call the police. I refused to give him "just a slap on the wrist", which will give him free licence to do it again.

I do feel strongly and am so "anti drugs". My wife and step children knew from day one how I felt, but they disregarded my feelings. They cant have that much respect for me now can they?

My stepson is under house arrest til April. I think it will be sooner than that because my wife will give in to him.

He will get a second chance with me. He hates promises being made to him, so knowing that I got him to promise me to stay away from drugs.

If he breaks his promise then I will call the police.

My step daughter is a different matter. I cant tell my wife how I found out. Well, I know this is wrong, my wife left her mobile unlocked. She was out shopping and it went off. I picked it up and thinking it was important I opened the message. It was from my step daughter, and I quote "Are you upset with me? When I said that I wanted to smoke weed and get high? When J (boyfriend) offered it to me down stairs, I wanted to hide it. I could flush it down the toilet in case it floated and someone found it, I couldnt throw it in the bin in case Adrian found it. Hes looking for an excuse to throw me out.."

Well we agree on something. This was the day before my wife told me about my stepsons drug use. I havent told her that I know anything, how could I tell her with out landing my self in strife.

The fact that she is keeping it from me about the kids smoking weed. If my stepson was 18, he would be out of the house. My stepdaughter is 21, and I a gearing up to tell her to leave.

I never got on with my Dad when he told me "Whilst you are under my roof, you abide by my rules", I used to rebel against that, but "my roof, my house, my rules" will be heard loud and clear in my house.

If my hatred of drugs makes me the Devil incarnate, then just call me Satan!

Hi there,
What about telling thoses around you why your so against drugs calmly. Don't know if it will work!
Word of warning though the police will do nothing been there done that to scare my son. We asked if they could lock him up (he's 15) no they're not aloud to that anymore - they suggested taking him to the hospital to be tested - but they didn't want to---said it would have been out of his system -- so why are they so high so long?!
Theres not much help around - yes you can be taught what to look out for but what do you do when you've found it?! well I can't find any help anyway. It all seems so acceptable and expected. Stick to your guns and deel with it the best you can. I,v grounded our kid but we have to let him go out sooner or later.

Hi deb, I have told then why Im so against drugs, from day one for the past three years Ive told them.

In stead of respecting that, drugs were still brought into the house. Is there anywonder why I am "over reacting".

Worse still now, my step son wants to talk to his "drug pushing" daddy. Like father like son.

Im beating my head against a wall.

There are things happening with my step son now that are beyonf belief. The Social Services are involved now. Like always I found this out 2nd hand. My wife hasnt told me.
Im supposed to be a member of this family but Im being kept in the dark. Ive got the biological "dad" to contend with now.

Hi Adrian

As was said earlier you have to stick to your guns. A thirteen YO female relative started on 'recreational' drugs and is now 17 yo drop out, extremely depressed, self harming, no future, a physical wreck, smoking 20 'joints' a day and whatever else - all because it got out of hand. parents dont know what to do now. Expect the worst and it can only be better. Good luck.

Fiona

Thanks fiona.

Everything is happening now. My Stepsons bio father is a "drug dealer", and as my Step son wants to see him, "drugs" will only be glorified.

I will stick to my guns, even if it means I lose everything, even my wife.

whenI was told about my sons drug taking, I must admit I exploded and threatened to string him up (just words meant to scare him). or course I was the bully, thug call it what you will.
I did ask him what he would have thought if I said to his mother "I dont want to knowm YOU deal with it!" what kind of father would that make me.
"Not a very good one", he said it not me. His mother heard it too.
I said to his mother because this is putting a strain on our marriage. If it meant that he stays away from drugs then I would do it again!