Hi
My boy has been on the special needs register since he was 4. He is on the lowest level and has what is called school action. This means that once a week the school will take him out of class to work with him on a one to one level. His teachers say that he is doing really well.
The reason my son is on the register is that he has a problem with winning and losing (especially the latter). For example, I take him to play football which he loves but he will cry about 6 times through it because he cannot hit the goal or his team lose (he will say he is just not good enough). Likewise with board games he will become very anxious if he thinks he will not win.
Has anyone else come across something similar? It is a shame as he is such a lovely lad but it is getting to the stage now where the other boys in school are teasing him for being a 'cry baby'.
Hello, I work in primary school with children like your son on school action plus and with children who have a range of difficulties so I understand your concerns fully.
I have found that most children with special needs quite often come to me with a low self esteem, so before beginning any formal work with them we chat and try to build up a relationship of trust and mutual respect. Boys by their very nature are usually much more competitive than girls and unfortunately it is part of life that we all have to learn how to lose as well as win.
If I was you I would encourage your son to take part in a non competitive sport, something that he can develop a love for and a feeling of pride in his own achievements (eg. judo, karate, swimming(for fun), ski ing, climbing walls etc.) Also help him to find an interest and encourage it by being involved enough to help him to find out more, make a scrap book and encourage him to add to it and write his own captions underneath.
In so far as him playing football, obviously you can not stop him from being involved if he really loves it but even the very best world class footballers miss the net on occasion, perhaps if he sees these players lose it will help to put his own game in to perspective.
Tell him it is okay to feel sad and upset if something does not go well and that even as adults we have to learn to come to terms with disappointments. I hope this helps you, just love him and keep telling him how wonderful he is and once he has developed an interest or sport he can excel at, tell him how clever he is too! Good luck.
Thank you so much for taking the time to reply. I took him to karate for the first time last week, it was something that I had contemplated before but your reply encouraged me to take him. He was quite shy and did not take part but I asked him if he would like to go again and he says that he would like to. He also got 'invested' at Beavers on Thursday and was very excited to receive some badges to go on his uniform - so maybe that it something else that he can become involved in.
