Help! I am a working mother of a four year old son, with almost two years old twin girls. My son has been potty trained with no accidents, (aside from the occasional bed wetting) since he was two - now, all of a sudden, he's pooping his pants, almost once a week. I've tried everything - cojoling him, asking him why he does it, asking him every fifteen mins if he has to go, even making him wear a diaper again when he did! HELP!

Is there anything worrying him or has there been a change of routine in the home?
Has he got diarrhoea?

I don't think he's worrying about anything, he just says that it comes out too fast, but when he does it, it's not soft, or diarhea, or anything, and he says that he pushes it out, but he can't tell me why he's doing it - I even asked him leading questions, like, are you mad at mommy? are you mad at daddy, or sisters? Are you doing it to get Mommy's attention, and he always answers no, just that it comes out too fast - HELP!

Hi Leilani

When I was your son's age I also used to soil my pants. Here is a message which I posted elsewhere on the net which may give you some idea what your son is feeling:

When I was a boy I sometimes soiled my pants. I did use the toilet the majority of the time but there were many occasions when I pooed myself. Looking back I don’t think I made the connection at the time between avoiding using the toilet and dirty pants. It started out of laziness I think, I found I could ignore the signals from my bowel (I just breathed inward and the feeling seemed to go away) but I did not have messy pants until a few days later by which time I’d forgotten about not using the toilet previously. Compare this with ignoring signals from the bladder which will result in wet pants in a short space of time. This is probably why I can only remember wetting myself on a couple of occasions.

Between the ages of three and five having messy pants was a common situation for me. As I grew older the number of times I soiled my pants decreased dramatically. By the time I was 7 it was very much an occasional occurrence. The last time I pooed myself was when I was on holiday aged 11. By this stage it was a very rare event.

I never deliberately pooed in my pants, it just happened because I hadn’t used the toilet previously. I wasn’t even aware of pooing, it was only afterwards I realized that my pants were dirty. I know a lot of parents don’t believe their children when they say this but in my case it was true. I never told anyone I had pooed myself, I just carried on playing in messy pants as I was fairly used to them, but I did not deny the situation when my mother discovered what I’d done.

At the time I thought that I was the only child in the world who dirtied his pants. I now know that it a problem among a lot of children, especially boys. Many parents (including my own) choose not to discuss the problem with anyone. I never wanted to soil my pants, it was just a habit I got into that I found it hard to get out of. I know it was a deeply frustrating time for my mother and having to clean me up was a very unpleasant task, but it was also very upsetting for me. I hope that in future children and parents in this situation get the help and support they need to tackle this problem.

How did you remedy the situation? Did your parents seek any help for you, or anything? I am just at a complete loss on what to do. Your situtation sounds similiar to my son, he just acts like he forgets he has to go, and even if I ask him if he has to, he says yes, and heads to the potty. Then, five or ten minutes later, I find him in the bathroom, standing next to the toilet, with poopy pants!

I just grew out of it. As I grew older I pooed my pants less and less often until eventually I stopped altogether. However, I'm not suggesting you just let your son grow out of it. My parents never sought any help for me but, with hindsight, I wish they had. It really wasn't much fun having to be cleaned up by my mother at the age of 7 and older becaused I had pooed myself - and I'm sure my mother liked it even less.

Even if your son doesn't seem to mind when he poops himself and isn't bother about being in poopy pants, I imagine that deep down he is terribly upset by the situation. I know that I was. I imagine it must be terribly frustrating for you to see him standing next to the toilet in poopy pants but please don't think he is doing it deliberately to upset you. He needs your love and support to overcome this. It will help him if he knows that you love him just as much whether his pants are clean or dirty.

The medical term for his condition is encopresis and it is often linked with constipation. You can find lots of information about it on the net. I would definitely advise speaking to your doctor about it.

You may also try keeping a record of when he soils, this may help you spot any patterns. Does he mainly soil at a particularly time of day? What has he been doing immediately before you discovered he was poopy? Does he only poop himself at home or at other places eg friends' houses, at daycare, in stores? Knowing these things may help you to find a solution to the problem.

Best of luck, Leilani. I hope you are able to help your son with this.