I need help! I have three children, ages 6, 11, and 15, in three different schools, (high school, 1st year middle school, and elementary), on three different schedules. Their father works a great deal, so I often feel like a single parent, and I definitely do not feel as though I am cutting the mustard. All of my children are exceptionally bright, but I feel as though I have the weight of the world on my shoulders, as I have to be the repository of knowledge for the entire family. My husband never remembers anything. My 15-year-old is an utter slob, who cannot seem to put her clothing in her laundry hamper or make her bed without an edict. My 11-year-old cannot stay on task in school or at home, backtalks and interrupts constantly, and has a noticeable eating problem, and my 6-year-old is, well, 6. I love my children dearly and try to spend as much time as possible with them, although I also work out of my home and have to care for the place, which is a handful. I often feel overwhelmed and resentful that I do not seem to get any help, and that I have to remember everything for everyone all the time. I find myself losing my temper and yelling at the kids often, (usually after requesting that a task be done SEVERAL TIMES), and I absolutely hate the way I feel about myself when I do this. They have also learned, I think, to bank on my soft heart and guilt and take advantage of it. My own life feels frenzied and fragmented, and I rarely feel as though I am doing all I should as a parent to stay on top of things, no matter how hard I try. I'm going from morning to night working, picking up after them, reminding them of things, following up on what they did/didn't do, scolding, and cajoling. I'm worn out. Any tips?
Regardless of the fact that I have taught my children appropriate behaviors, such as turning off lights and television sets, flushing toilets, brushing teeth, and doing their homework, I must constantly ride each and every one of them to accomplish whatever ordinary task it is at the moment that needs accomplishing. Behavior modification would be great, but often, I do not know who is responsible for the behavior, (such as not flushing the toilet), and I get stonewalled.
The first thing i think you need to do is to make a list of all the things that you are currently taking care of.Then you need put them into categories, MY RESPONSIBILITIES, MY HUSBANDS RESPONSIBILITIES, list each chils responsibilities.I am getting the impression that you are looking after things that are not yours to look after.My mom when I was in grade 5 or 6 told me I needed to start making my own lunch, sometimes all i would take was an apple.It was up to me if i was going to look after some things myself.If you do not start getting others to take some responsibility then you are going to be doing all of it yourself always and resenting all around you.Talk to your husband about this as well.
