4 yo boy who takes family things and hides in his room then lies about it!
My 4 yo is sweet, affectionate, cute and smart too. The problem is he likes to take things from other people and hide them in his room. Some of these things are lotions, chapstick, hair gel, etc. and he proceeds in making a mess on his walls, windows, carpet and so on. He also, on occasion, takes food to his room and eats it on the sly. When he is found out, we take away things like television, computer time and his favorite stuffed animal. The thing is that he feels no remorse and does it again and again. Help! We don't know what to do anymore. Have any of you other parents had these issues? I want to nip it in the bud before he gets older and the issues get more serious. I'll take any advice I can get.
Re: 4 yo boy who takes family things and hides in his room then lies about it!
Maybe you all should try pretending that it doesnt matter to you. He may get a kick out of seeing you all get so upset, I think he may look at it as a game and your reactions may be funny to him.
Next time just act as though you dont care that he is sneaking things away, see if that helps.
You could also try sneaking his things away from him so he can see what its like to miss a favorite toy.
Re: 4 yo boy who takes family things and hides in his room then lies about it!
My friend had a similar problem - although he is 10 and is definitely 'stealing' from friends and their families. While researching advice on this subject we read that if the child is under 7 years old (the age of reason), don't make a big deal of it as the child is just exploring the realms of 'ownership' and 'acquiring property of his choosing' and will most likely grow out of it. If over 7 it is the sympton of a deeper disturbance.
In your case, I would keep taking the things back without too much fuss and try to put all the messy things he likes out of his reach, if he takes from someone, perhaps make him apologise to that person and ask forgiveness, if he refuses or the apology is not genuine, perhaps then take away priviledges rather than force it?
My friend's son has continued to steal unchecked for nearly three years - if she finds something she believes he has stolen (watches, rings, PS2 games, digital cameras, Pokemon cards, money etc) she just gives them back to the owner and doesn't make him apologise or punish him. Most stuff if he says it is his she says doesn't want to upset him and believes him! We, her friends, are all treading on eggshells and no longer have the boy round.
I am sure your son will grow out of this phase before it becomes this serious.
Re: 4 yo boy who takes family things and hides in his room then lies about it!
I don't think many 4 yo feel remorse. I have a friend who is a child psychiatrist and she told me empathy and genuine remorse are quite high order skills that don't come till teenage years. I think you can teach children to say sorry before this happens and teach them that certain things are wrong, but remorse isn't often genuine because they can't really put themselves in someone else's shoes yet. So I imagine keeping on telling him "No, it's not OK" is good. The punishment that works with children is often different for every child. One of my children (older than 4) is money orientated and cutting pocket money works, one reacts well to having no computer time and one hates being sent to bed early. If he is continuing to steal maybe you haven't found what matters to him yet. Have you tried making him help clear up the mess ? Good luck. I'm sure you will manage to nip it in the bud.
