After reading the other post, I have to say I still feel the same, I think she approaches you in this manner of not caring due to shame and guilt, not all children cry and become un-nerved.

They do make diaper type undies for older children. I would allow her to wear them to the shops and to school.

Is your daughter standard when it comes to schooling? has she ever wet her self at school, in front of the other children?

I feel terrible for her. I would keep being patient with her without drawing too much attention and still ignore it as much as possible,when ever possible.