My situation is this....I have a ten year old daughter who is in the fifth grade. Other children in her class average age of 11.6 upon graduation. (Some are 12 most are 11, one other child is 10 and one is 13.6.)
My issue is this....I let her start Kindergarten at age 4yrs (she has a Sept. birthday) most of the kids turned 6 in that kindergarten year, and we noticed at that time she had maturity issues...and they have continued to this point...every year its the same..." you know she’s one of the younger kids) As she will always be.
I have often thought of holding her back but she has fine grades. The older she gets the more mature her class mates will be but she will always be younger. I feel she should be in the 4th grade now with other 10 year olds.
Next year she will start Jr. High at 10 years old going to the same school with children as old as 15. The average 6th grader here is 12.6 I don’t want this to be a time when she is under the influence of older kids. 1 or 2 years makes a big difference at this point! Even though she has good grades, she isn’t as mature as some of the other children in her grade. & She would die of embarrasment if I tried to hold her back a year…..Any suggestions?

Hello,

How are your daughter's relationships with other children in her grade? If her grades fine and she has strong friendships within her grade, she may not need to be held back. If her grades are good then she is obviously coping academically, and if she is coping with the social scene and has established friendships within her grade, then she is doing well. Maybe the reason that she appears to be immature has more to do with behavioural traits. The average age for puberty in girls is eleven, although growth can occur anywhere between the ages of 8 and 16. For this reason, there can be distinct differences in behavioural maturity (coming from hormone changes) between sixth graders, as, most likely, some would have matured into adolescence while some still have time left before this happens. This may be why the age difference between your daughter and other children seems to really show at this point. Chances are, once the children reach perhaps eighth grade, most would have matured, including your daughter ny this stage, and those that seem "immature" in sixth grade have caught up to their peers. I'm not an expert on adolescent growth and maturity, but I hope this helps. I wish you all the best!

Thank you very much for your reply, Ditz.....yes she is getting along well as far as grades go, but Her coping skills are terribly lacking, she is unable to make or keep friends, She needs constant affirmation, another child arguing with her says the most rediculous things just to hear her reply so they can all have a good laugh, & tease and taunt. She is very easily talked into doing the wrong things, and more often than not her reason is…"I want them to like me", and she is often the other children’s number one scape goat. (Nothing major has happend….yet)

It’s been like this from the beginning... I see this always being her plight until she begins her senior year in which she will start at 16 yrs of age, and my worries stretch to college? Do I want my 17 year old entering college on her own when she may not have the maturity to cope with living and being on her own like the other kids?

I want to add…not only do I think she is immature for 5th grade I think she is immature for a 10 year old…she is still very child like, emotionally.Example: She still prefers to sleep with me at night, she still whines when getting up in the morning, getting her hair combed, and to brush her teeth.

I m sure things will even out as far as maturity level in all the children sooner or later like you said . Her age has changed so has the degree of my concern but it’s the same concerns. I’m afraid she will always be less mature than the other children.
While I don’t feel like she is overprotected or overly “mothered” I almost hope I am overreacting.

Hello,

Yes, the problems with immaturity sound more in-depth than I thought. I can't tell you one way or another whether or not to hold her back because in the end it is your family's decision, but a suggestion I have is that if you do decide to hold her back, maybe send her to a different school where she can start fresh and build friendships where the other kids don't know her and don't know that she has been held back. This will help to ease embarrasments, and seeing as she is having difficulty making friends, you will not have the problem of her missing her friends. Also, make sure that whatever decision you make involves consulting your daughter so that she knows exactly what is happening and understands the advantages and disadvantages of any decision. I wish you and your family all the very best!

Well I talked to my daughter again about the possibility of repeating...and she doesnt want to hear of it, as always. She says she would rip her heart out of her chest if she had to...I reminded her of how immature a statement like that was, And how she wouldnt be repeating due to bad grades it would just give her some extra time to grow inside and out. Needless to say, she doesnt want to hear of it, so I dont think its going to happen...I just dont know what else I can do, or if I should do anything?????I dont want to force her into this and ruin her life (as she percieves it)

Ok if this is the case maybe you can wait another year to see how she goes before making a decision. If you wait and things aren't successful, your daughter may see a need to repeat for herself and she would still finish school at the same time she would have if she repeated now and since she would be repeating and no time would be wasted. Good Luck!

it doesnt look like Im going to hold her back...she is dead set against it, and I dont know If I should trump her thoughts and just do it because I think its right...There are other kids whom are just a month or two older than she is whos parents wouldnt even consider keeping thier kids back because they will have turned 11 one mo. before school starts in Aug???? Im really torn and at a lost here. It pains me to see her grow up with older more experienced children from now on....???

Hello again,

It may not be such a worry to see your daughter grow up with older and more experienced kids. It can give her something to grow on and it may only be problematic if it bothers your daughter. If she is perfectly satisfied with the situation she is in, then there is not much need to remove her from it. I'd be careful, though, and keep watch as your daughter and her peers grow older, that your daughter does not pick up bad habits from the older kids or become vulnerable to peer pressure. Maybe you could talk to her about this. If she seems stable now, then maybe keep her going for a while to see how things pan out. Good luck!