Hi I am the proud father of a beautiful 13 year old girl. I think she's beautiful as do all the adults that see her but alas she is utterly convinced of her unattractiveness. To her absolutely nothing about her is anything less than very ugly. Now I know that this is a problem common to girls of her age but it seems so extreme to me even when she compares herself to clearly less attractive girls she sees herself as much worse.
Of course I reassure her and try to boost her self esteem as much as I can but this is met with "you're my dad, you have to say that". I would really like to hear some advice, strategies perhaps to deal with this problem she's not even close to ugly and that's not just a biassed father talking here.
If I could send you some photos you would agree. Is it a stage? It seems to be as a result of a group of nasty girls at her school putting her down and telling her she's ugly. I am very worried about her it's almost like when an annorexic can't see the reality of her own body shape. What can I do??

hi trev,i also have a daughter who is 15,a little older than your daughter but she has also the same thing about how ugly she thinks she is.
mine like yours is far from ugly and i find it very distressing finding her caking on the makeup to cover her face,all you can do is keep giving her support as i am doing with my daughter and im pretty sure it will all blow over as she gets older,this is a thing most teenagers go through just keep a close eye over her,im sorry if this seems like not much,as long as she knows her family are there for her,thats the most important thing.
kim. xx

I too have a 13 year old that is beautiful and she constantly says she is ugly and fat and any other insult she can pour down on herself. It is just a phase, one I clearly remember going through myself at that age. I developed early and that's why i felt so unattractive because i was the only one who looked well so grown up. my daughter also developed early. To get her to stop calling herself fat we actually picked up some excercise tapes and i told her she can work out anytime she "feels" fat. To deal with the "I'm ugly" issue, I have started pointing out to her all the boys her age that think she is quite cute. It embarasses her but she doesn't say it as much as she used to.

Thanks to the kind people who have answered my thread I appreciate the advice. I guess my main question is should I kind of ignore her "self put downs" or speak out against them which usually results in an argument which I can't win. I usually say something like "I'm not going to put up with anyone saying bad things about you, even yourself!" I hope that one day when she hopefully outgrows this stage she will remember that I always spoke up to support her but I also hope i'm not making things worse either. Trev

hi trev,it sounds to me like you are a great dad,your doing the right things,maybe you could back off a little and not get drawn into a row with her,just tell her she is lovely and be there for her when she needs you,it is real hard going through the teenager pstage for everyone especialy for girls.

goodluck kim xx

Hi Trev
My 11-year-old daughter has just started scondary school and has been coming home with comments like this about herself. She is very pretty and it was catty comments from some of the girls at her new school which caused her to feel this way about herself. I managed to convince her that it is jealousy, and that when they tell her she's too thin, or too tall, her teeth are too big or she is too rosy-cheeked, it's because they wish they were like that. She now finally believes me and her concerns have stopped. She realised that the girls were jealous and she actually feels sorry for them now.

Its very true...girls can be mean and jealous at this age. And usually they all feel the same way inside.

I would keep a distant eye on the situation and not make it your main concern. As dad I would find something more positive as your main concern to divert her attention. I would say this kind of thing could last for the next 3 years. Good luck!