I have two children ages 4 and 6. My 6 yr old son just started kindergarten this year. He has become very hard to manage at home. His teacher thinks he is an angel. She has no clue what life is like at home. I work full-time and from the moment we get home at night....my son is angry, bitter, and poorly behaved. He sasses back to me and says he wishes he had a new mom...etc. I then loose my cool and I yell even louder and get more worked up.....pretty soon it is an all out screaming match between me and my son and then my daughter gets upset and cries too over protecting her brother. I end up crying saying to them that I dont know why it has to be like this. I'm sure I also say things that I later regret. My husband and I use yelling more often than we should. We are currently in parenting classes to try to fix this problem. But it feels like we can't get control....it has already spiraled too far out of control. I deeply love my children and would do anything for them. Sometimes, I just feel like driving away and never coming back.... Any advice????????

It sounds to me as if you are trying to take on the world and your children are missing you. My advice is take care of yourself and try to get away from it all 2-3 times a week. Make a list of simple chores that the kids can help you with so that you are not doing everything! Set up a routine that includes spending time with both children most every night(eg. while the older son has his bath or shower do something with your daughter, put your daughter to bed first and do something with your son). Don't worry about the housecleaning, do it together or when they are in bed. Remember to enjoy them. Every week have a family night. Rent movies, play games, have fun.

One thing I have learned is that as soon as someone starts yelling at me or vice versa, the listening stops. If you start to feel frustrated with your children and feel the urge to yell, send them to their rooms or go to your room until you are cooled down enough to say what you want to your kids without shouting. That goes for them too. Remember that kids learn by watching and mimicking behavior. The sooner you get the yelling under control for yourself, the sooner they will too. It is a wonderful thing to be able to always communicate in a calm voice, even when frustrated and upset. Your house will be a much happier place. Don't give up.

Thank you both so much for posting. It is so great to hear from other parents (assuming you are). I love my children and being a mom is the most wonderful thing a woman can be. It is definitely a challenging job and no one realizes how hard until they become one. All your advice is helpful!

Hi there,

You are going through a rough time.....I think all the advice given to you was great. I myself send my kids to their room when I am frustrated. Sometimes, I lock myself in the bathroom so I don't lose my cool. It really works, and then you can figure out your "plan of action" and calm down, all at the same time. I am doing a book review on a great book, "Boundaries With Kids", written by Dr. Cloud and Dr. Townsend. I think it's full of great advice that might help your situation. If you're interested, you can find my review at:

http://www.writingup.com/blog/debrawhitledge

I've got several entries from the Boundaries book, and a few other things just for grins. I try to provide useful information in my blog, and avoid the useless, "here's my day" kind of stuff. Anyway, just thought I'd mention it!

Take care,
Debra

P.S.
I know what you mean about your kids meaning the world to you....I feel the same about mine.