Does your neice have a father in the picture? Sometimes four year olds are just brats and mothers can get overwhelmed, especially when trying to visit with other family and relax, to get up and discipline them all the time. I myself am guilty for that! Maybe try talking man to man with the girls dad about how it's affecting the other family members and see if he can take responsibility during family get togethers. If you don't have children of your own, try to understand that 1) children go through stages, 2) parents are very sensitive when told they are not parenting well, 3) sisters don't like to be criticized by brothers! :) As for not connecting with your neice, give her your time and love and maybe you will connect or maybe not. She may grow up to have a personality that is hard for you to love but try to accept her. Your family! Hope this helps.