I am having similar problems with my son at school, and as for the rudeness a lot of my friends children of the same age are behaving in the same way. I find it difficult to know who to talk to about it, have you tried talking to your child's teacher? The health visitors are no longer responsible for them when they go to school and there isn't a follow on person for us to turn to. it seems to be 'normal!' behaviour but i like you don't consider it acceptable.