I guess you could first start with not calling him a 'loser'. If you think that about him he feels that energy. He's obviously got something going on inside that he's not ready to share with you. You can't change what he does - only he can. But you can lose your mind trying to fix him. So stop now. Give him the responsibility for his life back. He's gotta live it. All these things are just ways to feel better - drinking, getting high, the girl thing...he's trying to find his power and somehow feels stiffled in every day life so he's going to the extreme to show you how powerful he really is. And you know what? He's right. He does have the power to make or break his life. But don't give him the power to make your life miserable. Why don't you back up - try to list some positive aspects of him - times when you two were close or he did something funny. Just try, for a week to switch up that energy between the two of you. He won't come and talk to you if he feels judged by you. I know it's hard, I have kids too. We are only here to guide them though, not map out the steps and make sure they stay on course. Find out what inspires him. What does he love? What makes him happy? There are things out there but he's going to have to come around to it in his own time. You have to believe in him to get right or your influence does not help him.
Calling your son a "loser" because he has bad behavior and unwise choices is not going to help anything. I am very unfamiliar with parenting a teenager and I'm sorry you have having a rough time. I was a teen recently and I do have to point out that the teenage years are very hard mentally and he could have depression. I was very depressed in high school and, quite frankly, there's no reason NOT to do those things when you are depressed. I'd find something he enjoys doing and start reconciling your relationship... Good Luck.
Been there done that !!! My son had a rough couple of years, and was kicked out of school. I grounded him to the point that he was not allowed to so much as have a phone call unless I was standing there. It took almost a year but he is now a joy to be around most of the time. I was grateful that he got into trouble with the police, as it showed him that there were very real consequences to his actions.
