Have you done any reading or parenting classes? Parenting is not easy. It is worth puttimg time and effort into study of the subject. My favorite book is Raising Our Children, Raising Oursevles which you can buy on amazon. It is about how to have your child behave well because he wants to, not because you yell.

Also, based on that book, I think routine is not needed and sleeping with you is actually wonderful for him.
Just learning parenting skills for times that are not as simple.

thanks for the tip and i will definately look up the book ! No I have not been on any parenting classes but think it is definately something i need to look into. For all our sakes!!!! Too be honest i don't mind him sleeping with us and most nights i don't really hear him come in but my husband does and it is easier for us as we both work.