Hi all,
My 5 year old son is awaiting a diagnosis of possible Aspergers/mild Autism but lately his behaviour is worsening.

His school are great and really supportive of his needs and don't treat him just as 'the naughty boy' which is wonderful.

However, my son is a follower, and just lately he has started to hit out at myself and my husband. Mostly this behavior occurs when he is mid trantrum and he is always apologetic afterwards, but I don't understand why he has started to hit.

I know he has a friend in class who can be a handful, and my son has told me on a number of occasions that this boy has hit him, but whenever I tell the school they tell me that they have never seen this happen and that my son has never mentioned anything having happened.

Could this just be a phase or should I be worried that someone is picking on my son at school. I know my son has a lot of behavior problems already and I don't want him thinking it's ok to hit out at others.

Could anyone give me any advice about what to say to him? I always wait until he is calm and then tell him how I feel when he hits me, and that he wouldn't like it if someone hit him, but it just never seems to sink in.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks
Lee

Sorry to hear of the problem. Because hitting is such a negative behavior I would do as you have done first...talk with him about the affect hitting has on you or other, how sad it makes you and the negative effect on others as a result of such behavior. If the behavior is still occuring, this would be one of those times that I would try to be very tough about the consequences of such actions. "If you hit me again, I will go to the library without you today. I feel unhappy about your behavior and need some time away from it." or maybe, and I know how it sounds and all the reasons why not to do this but if a small child bites, biting him/her back lets the child have a first hand experience of why it is a bad idea. I am not implying an all out battle, maybe just one attempt at a surprise reality check. I am aware this sounds terrible. As for the other boy, forget about that child. You cannot control others and the teachers will have varying feelings on what is happening. Tell your child right from wrong and allow no escape goats to hamper understanding his actions. It is easier that way...you will drive yourself nuts trying to control the other child. If you choose, isolate from him if this can be done without much issue. I would coose to use him as a tool for teaching instead.

Thanks for the reply Mar, and the good advice.

I hadn't thought to use the other boys behavior as an example of how NOT to behave, I'll try that.

thanks again
Lee

My lad (7yo) has an Autistic Spectrum Disorder and he also exhibits aggression when he's angry.

We find that he copes with all the stresses of the school day but bottles up all the confusion, fustration and fear till he gets back to his comfort zone at home. The he starts to lose it with his brother (also 7). Not really sure if there's any answer to this one. We've concidered a puchbag to help him vent or a good run round the park before getting home (English weather permitting). It seems to help when we have a bit of rough play (pretend fight and tickling) as it helps him burn off these feelings he doesn't understand. Its apparently a common thing with ASD sufferers and presents later on as he learns to mask his insecurities and fear.

Hope this helps mate and the very best of luck

Thanks Matt,

Your message made me think, as recently my son has started to be better behaved at school.

So it could possibly be where he is controlling himself better at school he needs to let off steam at home???

What a relief, it's nice to know that this is just a normal thing and hopefully nothing to worry about.

thanks
Lee.

Hi lee, my eldest has aspergers too and she also can be aggressive, not that suprising really, it must be very frustrating when the world around you just 'doesn't get you' and it has to come out somehow. I also agree that its the safety of home that makes them show that side to us, for one, at school you risk getting belted back. I found that holding my daughter helped, wrapping myself round her so that she couldn't lash out and the hold could quickly be turned into a cuddle once she calmed down. My youngest has signs of ADHD and I bought him a punch bag a few weeks ago, its worked very well, he beats the hell out of it and usually ends up giggling instead which is a whole lot better than ending up in trouble for thumping something he shouldn't have (usually his sisters nose!) and lightens the situation.
What your son is doing sounds perfectly normal for a child with aspergers.