Well there is some truth to what you're saying. But I had no choice at the time as their mom had already told them that and now that the grand dad had past on I will have to tell the truth especially to my son. But some how in some of the conversation or tantrums that he threw out he seems to mention how much he hates his mom or me for telling him what to do all the time. But most of the time he is such a patient boy. For example when he wants something and he couldnt get it from me, he is ok with it without kicking or screaming. But he will ask me from time to time whether I could get it for him. This anger or tantrums only started after his mom left our home.
I get the feelings that he is frustrated with how things are going but how can be sure?
Is your ex planning to see the kids...or is this a good bye for a long time?
Very hard to imagine a mother doing this to her children. I am so sorry for them and you.
Can you get your mother or her mother to come and help. It might be good to have some kind of motherly care for the kids.
Whatever the situation...it will take time for your kids to come to terms with the new situation. Difficult behavior is bound to be an expression of frustration, hurt and worry.
This is sad and bewildering. Without knowing a lot more of this unusual story I can only say that you should seek guidance. Dr. Aldort offers help for parents by phone. You may want to try her. she helped me a lot. Or find a local person who is understanding and supportive.
One way or the other, tell the kids the truth ASAP and listed to their feelings about it fully and with total validation. Being abandoned by mother is HUGE!!!! The child feels worthless and a failure. It is a big wound.
They need help.
Thank you for the helpful advise. I have been contacting the local child psychologist association for some guidance or counselling for my children but so far to no avail. The thing with Malaysian society is that the thought of going to a psychiatrist or a counselor is still a taboo of some sort hence when somebody really do need help, the resources itself is scarce. I do know that I need help handling the emotional development of the children as I myself cant be there all the time because of commitment at work.Right now they will go to the nursery after school and I will pick them up after work right before dinner. I do have more time with them during the weekends and so far my plan is to fill up their time with activities like camping, martial classes, theatre camp and so on.But those activities doesnt happen every weekend hence they will be time when they have nothing going on and my son will sit in his room by himself refusing to talk to anybody and when he does talk he tends to be really loud and use very harsh words either with his sister or with me. Their mother has not contacted them for more than 2 months now and I have even tried to call her for my children to speak to her but it has always been frustrating especially to the children as she can never talk to them as much as they want to. Any suggestions?
Well, with the counseling situation it sounds like the phone counseling may be your best choice. Dr. Aldort has clients all over the world. She is a renown author, public speaker... you can't find anyone better and no one needs to know. Just a phone call.
As for the mother and phone calls. This is so strange. I don't know what to say. Can you tell us WHY???? why did she leave? Is she mentaly ill?
But, whatever it is, I wouldn't try to make a mother for the children. Tell them the truth and help them find the power to live with the way it is.
Well, the mom left for someone else. While i hate the fact that she cheated on me, i am more puzzled by the way she has been handling her relationship with the children. My friends had suggested that maybe she has her head in the clouds as she is quite smitten by this new guy in her life and she will not be making any efforts to see her children at the moment.
I just feel bad for both my babies. My 4 year old is not affected as bad as i have always been close to her since forever as her mom was working shift.It my 6 year old I'm worried about. I really hope this is just a phase! Anyway, thanks for the tips on Dr. Aldort.
