Sorry, that head line seems to look like Im beating her. Well far from it, just like every thing else if you give it a good name more people will open it or take a look. And to me this is the most important part of my life! So you are not getting a storm, you are getting a cry for help…

I am 29 male and was in a relationship for 7 years and we have a daughter that is, will be 5 on the 23rd. We made the split August, 06 and having no where for me to land but back at my parents. Most know you cant be a parent being parented it just starts getting messed up, so the tension is high. There are court issues going on making it worse.

I have been thinking and looking at homes a state away but with in a hour and a half drive away. There are other reasons for a move like this but also I can’t afford the area in which I am in now.

I see her a few hours a day 3-4 a week and every other weekend. May I also add her mother has never been able to relate to kids and it shows with her pawning her off so she can go out, even school nights, well pre-k! She can’t go any where with her. When we were together my daughter was my side kick at all times and the only time she wasn’t with me is when I worked or when running whitewater that was only done early mornings and maybe 2 times a month.
Our time has been cut back 10 fold and had a period of 2 months not seeing her at all, her mother sent her to grandmas.

Im going to push for a every weekend stays with me which I think her mother will be more then willing to do since she can spend more time with her new boyfriend. But she is holding my daughter against me just to trying to hurt me.

But HOW is this going to effect my daughter, me moving away????
My parents are saying “I’m Leaving her behind” which I will never do and putting a gilt trips on me saying how sad she’s going to be.
I need to start a new life and I want to be able to show my daughter what a real home family life is like.

How will this affect her?

Will it be easier for her now or when she is older?
”I would think now would be better then older, she will know more about what is happening at a older age, right?”

Right now with all this going on she seems happy, shes not around us fighting. But will kids hide their feelings or is she covering it?

I don’t know what to do and I do not want to hurt her or have her feel im running away.

I am very sad to hear your story...but sounds like you are a very caring and loving dad.

It is good to get some distance from your ex....as well as start a new life. One hour is not very far so I don't think it is that dramatic nor will your daughter notice it that much.

My experience is that the younger the better. I separated from my ex when my son was 6 and my daughter 2. We then tried it again....and then about a year and a half later I made the decision to divorce. My hesitation has hurt my kids...esp my older one who is now 9. In fact he still hopes we will get back together.

In my experience the cleaner the split the better...and the earlier the split the better...

Go for it and make that new life that will make you happy and show her you are happy.

Good luck

Hi Ketch

I agree with Lina, very sensible advice. I didnt feel able to respond with much advice, having not been in a situation like yours, but my feeling is that if you move, after you get a routine sorted with regular visits, stick to it religiously. That way your daughter can adjust to the new situation and soon get to know when she will spend time with you. Kids love things to be predictable, it makes them feel secure.

Far from hurting your daughter, you seem like a conscientious caring Dad who will always do the best for her, I wish you all the best, and I'm sure your little girl will always be sure of her Dads love.

Liz x

I agree, do this while she's young but mostly wanted to say there is a HUGE difference between getting on with your life and abandoning your child, though it sounds like the mother may see it as an opportunity to play more games.
There is also no reason why you shouldn't go for full custody is mums not capable of caring for her properly herself.