I am divorced and have a 5 year old son. His father makes sporadic, inconsistent contact with him by phone, sometimes every other day and then possibly not for a week or two. He hasn't visited for nearly a year - he lives in another town - and has had my son to stay once for four days. My son doesn't appear to find this unusual (we separated when he was 3) and never questions his dad's behaviour. I've tried reasoning with his dad regarding more consistent contact but he blames me for the divorce and is entirely self involved.
I work full time and my son is at school and goes to afterschool club which he says he enjoys.
My query relates to my son's odd behaviour with other people, in my presence. When on his own with my friends, teachers, child minders, his friends' parents or his grandparents, he is charming and well-behaved. As soon as I arrive, he becomes rude, pushes the boundaries, whines constantly and is generally difficult. Sometimes he displays this behaviour when him and I are alone, and sometimes he is charming and easy going.
Logic tells me that it is attention-seeking behaviour, but he also reacts oddly to me praising him for some things (eg reading, brushing his teeth properly, correct toilet habits) and it tends to make him withdraw from doing the thing that I'm praising him for.
The other thing he point blank won't do in my presence is greet people who greet him.
Has anyone experienced this sort of behaviour or does anyone have any suggestions?
Kate
Wow, your son sounds so great. He really knows what he needs. Seeing attention is a sign of something else that must be taken care of. I had a few phone sessions with Doctor Naomi Aldort, author of Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves, and it was life saving and worth every penny and moment with her.
I forgot to mention: Your son is really smart to respond negatively to praise. He is right. Don't praise him. He knows you are trying to get him to do what you want. Read the article The Price of Praise, in Life Learning magazine, and the book, Punished by Rewards.
