Well the attitude 'don't care I'm going to get things anyway' really sums it up as I'm sure you already now, and its a bit like banging your head against a brick wall when she's got 12 days of mum letting her get away with it all and 2 of you trying to do something about it.
I get the impression she has you pandering her to help her feel included, and I'm sure she's revelling in it all. It sounds like she has total control over you and left you too scared to say anything that might upset her tender little heart (being sarcastic there). Perhaps a little honesty might not go amiss, ie I think your a spoilt little madam and I'm not doing anything for you until you show me some respect!

Dad clearly needs to toughen up to her and maybe the prospect of his second child picking up her ways will be enough for him to buck up his ideas.

I'm sorry thats not much advice

Go ellie! I agree with ellie ( again...)but also, kids live with several different sets of rules, and it might be time for you and your hubby to set some for her at your house. One set of rules for school, one for whatever sport she plays, one for her mums and one for your house... she can cope with that, she really can.If you try to align your rules, to a point, with similar ones at school, you are halfway there, they teach respect, turns, manners etc and have consequences to match, they are trained and experienced to teach young people, so use it to your advantage. If you contact the school, ask for a copy of rules or their discipline policy, there is a starting place, and the school will know you are making an effort, therefore support you. Obviously your set of rules will not be identical, I think you and your partner need to decide on what you (singly, and together) should and shouldn't do as far as disciplining her, and a set of rules....enforced.


All the very best of luck...
jen

I have a step son that we have had problems with as well. When a parents only sees thier child a little bit they tend to want to be easier on them. But sometimes that is not the answer. My step son came to live with us about 2 years ago. Before that we only had him every other weekend. He was so disrespectful. After he came to live with us we figured we needed to do something more. We got him counseling. The counselor suggested we think short term. He had us pick a few things My step son liked to do most (tv,video games,etc) and use those as his "reward" for being good. If he was disrespectful and mouthy or in trouble we took all of those "rewards" away for that day. The next day he got to start off fresh. We would give him a warning at first then the rewards were gone. If he got mad we just simply said "you knew the rules and you decided not to follow them, but tomorrow is another chance". It worked for us.