Hi, All ... My 14 yr. old son started smoking pot and drinking. He has been honest about it with me. I have made it clear it is not acceptable, not allowed, won't be tolerated. I told him he is not to bring anything in out home .. not to come home drunk or high. I am sick over this. He's always been such a responsible kid. His bio father has left him and his brother, his grandfather killed himself last year. It's taking it's toll .. the abandonment .. even though they have me and my husband.
Yesterday I discovered he had stolen vodka from a neighbor's house. I went to the police. Not wanting to betray my son, I still feel hopeless/helpless and needed to look for help. The police picked him up and brought him home. They searched his room. He's feeling angry, betrayed .. he's storming around, throwing things around his room. He won't talk to us. He has always talked to me and I'm afraid that's over.
I feel like I did the only thing I had left to do. He's 14! God, I'm devastated. The police think he's not done .. that quitting has to be on his terms .. his choice .. but that I should call them if need be.
His abandonment issues with his father have left him feeling unworthy .. afterall, the guy couldn't stay in the same state, that's how much these boys mean to him. So, he surrounds himself with characters that are losers ... afterall, they won't have expectations of him .. he won't feel like he's unworthy or letting them down.
I've tried so hard to make them feel special .. loved no matter what .. it's amazing how that doesn't matter .. how all that makes an impact on him and his brother is their jerk father who has left them. GEEEEZ. I'm just sick over this.
Did I do the right thing involving the police? I can't let him steal and drink and smoke dope!
Hi Denise
I don't know if you did the right thing phoning the police, I have two girls aged 4 and 6 so I haven't come to that stage yet! Phoning the police may push him further away, he may feel betrayed by you for doing it.
Try sitting down with him and ask him why he's doing this ( which is hard being 14 ) tell him the consequences if he carries on e.g drug addiction, prison maybe, no future job prospects if he's not doing well in school. Unfortunatly your friends have a big influence on your life , I did a lot of things because my friends did.
A difficult situation your in, I hope it all works out
Joanne
The first thing I did was sit him down and talk to him about it. He was open with me. But then he stole from a neighbor. That seemed to me to call for action, rather than talk. God, I wish I knew if I screwed this up further. It's so hard.
Impossible to say whether calling the police was right or not, my mother called them on me once for something similar and it did push me further away but then my mother wasn't the loving parent you sound like and you clearly did it out of concern for him. Bottom line is however you handle a situation like that he's not going to thankyou so you have to do what you think is right at the time and accept that his thanks may come later when he's older and wiser.
I think that your son needs someone other than his family to talk to about his losses, someone who isn't emontionally involved, not on the basis of stopping him from using drugs and drink but someone who will look beyond that and focus on his feelings and help him feel positive about himself again, hopefully if you put it to him like that he will accept the support, I imagine from what you say he would shun drug councelling. He sounds like he's had an awful lot to cope with and we all want to be enough to help our children through there problems but often we're not.
