They didn't choose this relationship. Can you imagine having to get along with someone you didn't choose and don't really have much in common with? Create separate lives for them. Some kids are naturally able to live together. Most cannot. As they grow older they will become more able to be with each other.
Read helpful books that will give you mediation tools, like, Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves which has a large section on sibilings. Also, Sibilings without Rivlary, and Nonviolent communication are helpful.
thank-you for your good advice,its funny how we forget that yes, they didn't choose this relationship.I will give it a try and thank-you for the good reading suggestions as well. It's always good to get a different perspective.
I can tell you something of my experience. I have learned recently through a counselor that when my boys fought and I stepped to to "settle" things, my older son then resented his younger brother even MORE for what appeared in his mind to be my protection of his brother .. and his younger brother never learned to stand up or advocate for himself.
Once I learned to stay out of it (unless, of course, it was dangerous to their physical well-being), each situation .. instead of escalating .. each situation diffused quickly. They're learning how to be brothers now. Sad to say, I now have much worse troubles on my hands with one of them.
