hi can anyone help
i feel a complete failure as a mother
i have a 4 yr old girl whose very head strong her behaviour recently is really testing me and putting a great strain on my relationship with my partner which i have another daughter aged 15months.
she has recently started full time school which she tells me she doesnt like it and its a struggle to get her there every morning without tantrums.the teacher says shes very confident in her work but its her behaviour that is of concern she has started hitting the other children.
she is also like this at home she is constantly bullying her little sister.
i have tried everything from the naughty chair to reward charts and im pretty consistant so she knows what will happen if she misbehaves.
she becomes violent and has started name calling some really upsetting things to come out of a 4yr olds mouth when she is being reprimanded.
she is very clingy to me and tells me she doesnt want to live with my partner just me. she is really nasty to him and says horrid things to him. he has brought her up like a father since she was a yr old and i have no concerns about him at all she used to have a really good relationship with him.
she sees her dad once a fortnight for the weekend which she enjoys her behaviour is allways worse when she comes home and i think this is why she rejects my partner
im considering taking her to councelling as i am relly concerned about her she is constantly in a bad mood and very angry about something i dont know if this will help as she doesnt understand her feelings
what do you think
I feel for you...and know the anger you are talking about. I get it a lot from my son as well (see my message dilemma in the south of france).
I always find that my son's anger is mainly during transition phases...ie coming home from school....after a day with his dad...
it takes a while ...and i try and stay calm...but he usually comes out of it. basically he is struggling with his emotions...and ignoring his anger is probably the best tactic...
the other thing i am now trying again is the reward system...to reward him when he is not grump...
Oh please don't take her to a counselor. There is nothing wrong with her. Taking children for therapy makes them feel that something is wrong with them and that you want them to be different because you don't love them. Instead consider some advice for yourself on how to care for her.
I can see why she would feel the way she does. At day time she feels rejected by you as she is sent away from home and you stay with the baby. So, all the reason to want to hurt the baby. And the baby came from having your partner so that's a reason to resent him and wish to go back to just you and her.
You can help her, but you may need some advice. Your daughter is in pain. I highly recommend the book, Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves. It has a whole section on jealousy related behavior. The author gives advice by phone. Get the book from amazon and the information on getting advice is in the back of the book.
Hi Deb - Keep your chin up your not a failure just a stressed out mum, I know I have two girls who argue constantly. Do you shout at your little girl when she plays up because apparently they just shout back, also regarding the problem getting her to go to school, remind her of how much fun school is and how she'll get to see all her friends, and perhaps ask her to paint ' Mummy a pretty picture ' also try to get more involved with her after school, let her help you with the dinner ( even just putting things in the saucepan )or let her help you with the housework give her an old duster and ask her to be mummys' little helper, or let her stand on a stool and wash the dishes, you'll probably have to wash them after but at least she'll be quiet, also get your partner involved in this and bathtimes and bedtimes stories,
Just an Idea
Best of Luck
Joanne
