Wonder if anyone has any advice. 4 weeks agoI started back at work after being off on maternity for 9 months after having my second child.
My childminder who looked after my eldest who is nearly 4 didn't have any spaces so after a lot of agonising months and searches I found a new childminder where they go twice a week. (my Mum looks after them on the other day I work) My son spent all last night sobbing that he didn't want me to go to work again. I feel totally heart broken. I asked him what was making him so upset, did he not like the new childminder, would he rather go back to the old one? He said he does like her, she's nice to him and he seems happy when I pick him up but all he would say is that he wants me to be at home!
I don't know whether he's just playing on my guilt as financially I don't have to work as my husband has his own thriving business. But I have a good job and I've always been independant and I want to think of the future when they are both at school, I'd be bored silly doing housework all day and I'd never get another job like I have at the moment that would fit in around school hours etc
Has anyone else come accross this? Should I leave work? Or does he just need more time to settle in?
Its hard work being a working mum, whether its through choice or necessity, and its understandable that your son is displaying some objections to you returning to work when he has had you at home for so long - 9mths is a very long time in the life of a four yr old!!
I would give him a little while yet to adjust to the new situation, before making any decisions as to whether you should give up your job or not - incidentally, you're in a very lucky position in that you have a choice, i dont! Besides, he will be starting 'big' school soon, so he will have to get accustomed to being away from you, and his home.
I am sure that as long as you continue to allow him to express his feelings and encourage him to do so, you will be able to nurture him through the change in situation, and he will be just fine.
Its all too easy to judge parents who work through choice rather than necessity, but its very wrong to do so, because if your needs are not being met, it will make you unhappy which will reflect on your children.
The important thing is to really enjoy his company and the time you have together, which i am sure you do.
I'm with Crystal that a happy mum is a good mum. You only work 3 days a week and so don't feel guilty. It's important that you think of your own future so you have a life after your children have flown the nest.
I'm also on maternity leave after having my second child and I still send my eldest to day nursery 3 days a week. Not only did I want to lose his place it would maintain some routine for him and allow me one-on-one time with the baby. I will be returning to work fulltime and my mum will resume looking after him the other 2 days. I know that he's enjoying the extra time with me and will be resentful when I return to work.
I would tell a white lie to your son and explain that you have to go to work so that you can buy him nice things. You'll just have to ensure that you spend quality time with him as well as his sibling.
I must remember to heed my own advice when I go back as I'm sure I will also feel guilty of being a bad mother. Like you I couldn't be a fulltime housewife and my mum worked fulltime and I don't think I'be been psychologically harmed as a result!
Thank you so much for your advice I really appreciate it, its not easy being a Mum at all (hardest job I've ever had!) but I guess you can only do your best. My Mum also worked full time when I was a child and I felt I benefited from having someone else there like a friend for me.
I think the mistake I made was having him at home with me when baby was born, although he went to playgroup twice a week in the morning but I think the change in his routine probably didn't help. Its also made our daughter very dependant on him, she'll be lost when he goes to School!
Thanks again and good luck Amanda when you go back to work.
