Dear Naomi,
Thank you for your response My computer was out of order so I can write now.
He is pretty intelligent.We have problems with the behaviours. For example when we play a game with him, he never wants to stop. And if we insist on stopping he throws away the game. He is not respectful to us,he tries to use bad words(we don't use these words), doesn't want to obey the rules,behaves like an adolesant.He is a little shy,so he is very kind to the other people. He is very successful at school and good boy.Sometimes he is very nice at home too,but it doesn't go on long.He especially doesn't have good relation with his dad.In the morning when his dad says 'good morning' he doesn't answer,turn away his face,something like that and dad goes crazy. For example he doesn't want to stop watching tv,and when we say if he doesn't stop then it will be forbidden the next day,he doesn't care,goes on and he cannot watch next day. How come that he cannot think and decide to stop. Does he likes to be punished,I don't understand. He waits till the punishment ends.Today he had his birthday party,he enjoyed,had a good time. In the evening while he was doing something else, My husband and I were playing with my son's org. It was on my husband's knee,he came and without asking anything took his org and sat down,started to play.And dad went crazy,incredibly...A lot of examples like this... I hope,I could tell you the problem,it is not easy to tell.thanks.
Ayse
I think part of the problem is that "dad goes crazy" (you mentioned that twice in your post, so it sounds like it happens pretty often!)
Your son, while old enough to know a fair bit about the rules, he is still learning about the complicated rules of "respect" in social situations. At his age, children start to want a bit more respect for themselves and so the line between asserting their own respect and still respecting others gets a bit fuzzy.
Respect is different from authority. As parents, you still have the authority, but your son wants some basic personal respect. Think of it like a work situation to see what I mean. Would you be more likely to put your best work effort for a boss who screams at you and disrespects you, or for one who respectfully tells you he/she wanted something done differently?
With dad "going crazy" at every minor mistake, your son is feeling very belittled (not respected), so he is less likely to put any effort into respecting you as parents. Also in the examples you listed, you don't mention whether you and your husband asked him if you could play with his "org" (by the way, what is an org??) In his eyes, that was his birthday present to play with as he pleased, so rather than going crazy your husband could have simply said, "That wasn't very respectful, you should ask me before taking something that I am busy with, even if it is yours." And that is assuming that you asked him to use it in the first place. "Do as I say, not as I do" tends to create power struggles in parenting. Lead by example and show him what respectful behaviour is.
In another example you describe, "He doesn't want to stop watching tv,and when we say if he doesn't stop then it will be forbidden the next day,he doesn't care,goes on and he cannot watch next day. How come that he cannot think and decide to stop. Does he likes to be punished,I don't understand."
He DID think. And he decided that watching that day was more important than watching the next. You gave him a choice, and he chose to watch more TV one day in exchange for no TV the next. You gave him that option, and he took it. I see nothing wrong there. First, try to let him know in advance when the TV must be turned off, and try to time it at the end of a show if possible. If that time comes and he's still watching, remind him that you want the TV off at this time.
You ask him once, and then if he doesn't turn it off, you go in and turn it off, and give him an extra chore since you had to turn it off for him.
Don't give him choices if you don't want him to accept them.
