I don't know if it's just me but I'm not comfortable with you calling your daughter a jerk, doesn't portray you as the loving mother but I'm sure you are otherwise you wouldn't be asking for advice!
I'm assuming that your 'mouthy child' is quite intelligent and I feel that she has grown out of the 'removing toys' as a form of discipline and hence why it's lost its effectiveness. Your daughter should be now have some realisation of future events and I think you need to deny some kind of privlege away from her that she would be looking forward to. i.e "we won't do the biscuit baking this afternoon if you don't do......", can't watch a telly programme, not going out for a treat etc. Another technique is to gently negotiate with her i.e."once you've tidied your room then we can go out to ....." Be careful that you don't end up bribing her! When she starts the back chat just don't react as you'll be playing into her hands. Remember it takes two to argue! Simply walk away and if she becomes abusive then send her away for some time out and tell her that her behaviour is unacceptable and that you'll go and get her once she's calmed down. If she's just generally back chatting then ignoring her should do the trick. You say she's a good kid at school so you know she's capable of behaving! This all about her wanting control and so the key thing here is for you to show her who's the boss! Just another idea -have you thought about doing a reward chart? I remember giving my mum lots of back chat and generally not getting on. I felt she was always nitpicking at me and bossing me the whole time. I'm sure if she'd have asked me in a pleasant tone instead of barking at me I would have cooperated. But that's all in the past and now we get on great.
Good luck and let us know how things go.

Thanks for the ideas so far. I guess I need to clarify some more info. I have tried the "you need to earn" tactic and it doesn't seem to have to much effect. She had a b-day party last weekend and I didn't allow her to go. We bought the gift and dropped it off, but she wasnt' allowed to attend. As far as telling her to go to her room, she mouths back, has a huge tantrum, runs away....and then slams the door and continues to yell when I send her to her room. I don't ask her to shut her door when I send her..that is her choice but I do not like the slamming and kicking of the walls.

And perhaps "yes"...calling my daughter a jerk doesn't sound great. But I'll qualify that by saying the I'd never say that about her except on here to hopefully give a quick version of what I'm dealing with and get people to assist. I apologize if that came off inappropriate.

I will consider a reward system. Meaning that I think I'll do up a list of items that will earn a sticker etc. and then a list of items that will "take away" items. This way, at the beginning of the week, her and I can establish a reward and she'll get stickers for good behaviour...like doing things the First time...and losing several stickers for tantrums etc. I like the idea of ignoring the backtalk...your right. It does take two to argue and if I ignore it, it "might" lose it's effect. May as well try it...I have nothing to lose.

thanks and anyone with other suggestions is greatly appreciated.

Lesley

Have you tried any parenting books? The book Parenting Secrets By Mother of Five will teach your child life skills such as putting others first, how to communicate, good manners, honesty and integrity. This book was written by a mother of five who looked back at her time at home with her children and wrote down what worked and didn't work so other parents could avoid the difficulties we all encounter. The nice thing about this book is you don't need to start the techniques from birth. The ideas can be implemented at any age.
Here's a link: Click Here!

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Replying to:

Hi, I have a 5 year old girl and she is the mouthiest child ever. She is an only child but my husband and I are strict for the most part. We spend alot of time with her and have her involved in lots of activities (not too many). We follow though with our threats of taking toys away. I take them away and donate them if she doesn't listen. I praise her for when she does something well and give her opportunities to earn her toys/privlidges back. Spanking is NOT an option. It only inflames the situation and makes me feel badly. I do not want to hit my child. I'm at my wits end. There is lots of back talk...she is a great kid at school but seems to turn into a horrible child when she doesn't get her way. She has her own agenda and I have to ask her to do things over and over again before she'll go do it. As I said..taking things away doesn't do much ...she'll get upset for the moment and then forget about it. Does anyone have ANY ideas as to what I can do.

Thanks