anyone help? my eight year old son has seen me and his dad argue and fight something i am not proud of.And this has made him very sensitive and gets upset easily over the slightest thing.He thinks people are picking on him all the time and gets upset when he loses at games and its causing problems when he his playing with other children.Anybody got any ideas on how to help him?

Hello Lisa,

Do you think you might be being a little hard on yourself? Can you be sure that your arguments with his Dad are to blame for how he is? I mean, yes, conflict between parents aren't good for children, but a lot of kids are sensitive, for all kinds of reasons. My youngest cries all the time over everything, and i spend ages trying to figure out where I went wrong, and why I haven't made him a stronger more confident kid.

My viewpoint here would be, try not to see your son as a victim, and maybe try to see it as a part of his social development that needs some work? You could help him take the approach that this is something he needs to learn, some team skills, and so on. He might start to see it as a challenge, and he can look out for times when he has done well, not gotten upset when he didn't win, or didn't get to choose a game, that kind of thing.

You could try to spot times when he copes well with a setback, and tell him how well he has done, how grown up that was. Maybe a reward system would be helpful here too, I use a marble jar with my boys, when its full we have a treat, rent a nice dvd, go to the movies, whatever the budget allows!

Above all, I would try to help him tackle this in a positive way, rather than see it as disastrous irreversable damage you've done to him.

Just my take on what you've told us, perhaps someone else here might have other things you could try.

Lots of Love

Liz x