Hi, I have a 10 year old daughter who hates school and I am really worried about her and am at a loss on how to help her. She has never been very academic but has always got by, she gets lots of extra help at school and at home but this does not seem to improve her ability or her bad behaviour at school. She started middle school in September 06 and her problems have escalated since then. They are expected to be independent and have to write their homework in their own diaries etc and be very organised. She is incredibly bad at doing this and subsequently gets warnings for not completing her homework or classwork in the alloted time. I check her diary daily but if it is not written in there I cannot monitor. She has now been put on a homework report to try and help her but today she has come home with another warning as she bit another student who was annoying her and calling her names in class. We have tried a reward chart at home which started off ok but she just does not care about not getting ewards. I know she knows the difference between right and wrong and she is not like this at home so not sure what to do next. I have spoken to her teachers who are also concerened but they just say the support is there for her and they are not aware of any bullying issues that might have been worrying her. When I ask her about her behaviour she just says she does not know shy she does it. Any advice??
Hi Ella, I can see that this is a real worry for you.
If your daughter is getting extra help I imagine the school must be aware of her difficulties. It is perfectly acceptable to ask the teacher to write the homework in her diary for her or at least to check it is written down. My son is 10 and has dyspraxia... he sometimes doesn't write his h/w down... then I can't check it's done!!! I go to the teacher and ask her to check it's written down!!!!
I have taught in senior school for 15 years and we were regularly expected to write in planners of children who found organisation difficult. I suggest you see the SENCO at the school, or the form teacher and ask for this to happen.
Your daughter is obviously really not enjoying school. Has she been assessed for any underlying difficulty? If not, I would ask for an assessment. I am pretty sure her behaviour at school is a result of her frustration at school.
You cannot make her behave at school. You are not there. You can support the school, make sure your daughter knows her behaviour is frowned upon by you... but the class teachers, the assistants etc are the ones who can change her behaviour at school... you can only change behaviour at home!!!! I would find out what strategies the school have introduced to change behaviour.... How are they dealing with it?
Please arrange a meeting to discuss the difficulties your daughter is having with school. Just be assertive... the school has to deal with it. Ask how they are going to manage the behaviour. Ask why they think she is behaving in this way at school and not at home. Find out if they have run any tests to see if she is dyslexic/ dyspraxic/ adhd etc just in case something obvious has been overlooked.
Good luck. Please let us know how you get on!!!!
Hi, thanks for that Nicki. I have made an appt to see her teacher so hopefully we will be able to move forward. I just worry that she is going to be labelled a problem child or worse be excluded unless she improves. I have had her eyes tested and her hearing and they are both ok so I know this isn't the rpoblem. She does have real trouble concentrating and paying attention so it is possible that she has an attention deficit disorder, she is not hyperactive so does not suffer from adhd. I will discuss it with the teacher and see if I can get a referral to an ed psych perhaps. Thanks again.
