My daughter who is nearly 7 will not allow me to love her as in cuddles if i try to hug her and say i love you do you love me she says get away.She can also be so hateful and nasty she will say your ugly or your fat (i am really slim).I have two other children and they are not like this they kiss and hug me all the time.I would say that i spoil her more than the other two because i want her to love me back.I am not sure if this is her personality or it is just a stage she is going through but she has always been like this from being a baby.She is also nasty to her grandparents telling them she does not like them it is not just me.It upsets me most when she comes out of school other children run to there mums ,she just strolls out when i ask her about school she usually hits me or tells me to be quite infront of other parents.

well if you admit to spoiling her, that needs to stop.

before you try to improve her actions you need to sort your own out.

you cant buy your child's love or affection.

i dont know why she is acting up like this, but spoiling her wont make the situation better.

im sure she does love you, but trying to pressure her into saying it, and that is what it will feel like to her when you say "do you love me?", she wont want to say it.

Hi Karen,

I think your daughter is taking you for granted. This could be because she picks up the feeling that you desperately want her affection, and she may be feeling smothered. Then because you get the reaction you do, you want it more, to feel reassured that she does love you.

You could be right, her personality may just be stronger and more wilfull than your other kids, and that being the case, you need to give her lots of room to breathe. I would stop asking her if she loves you back. She may resent being asked, and being put on the spot to say it on command. I'm like that myself, I feel that you can't say it when you really mean it if someone is asking you for confirmation all the time, and it loses its magic. When we say "I love you", it should be a statement, not a question that needs a response.

Some people just don't like hugs and kisses. It doesnt mean there is anything wrong with them, they are just different. My eldest son is like this, hugging him is like hugging a statue!

My idea would be to take a step back, and act like you don't need her affection so much. Be lighthearted about it, don't give her bad behaviour any power by acting hurt when she says she doesnt like you, just smile, and say something like, "thats a shame, because I like you!"

Don't let her hit you, you're showing her that it is Ok to treat Mum with disrespect. That said, try not to act upset either, as it will only add fuel to the fire.

Try not to compare this strong willed young lady with other children, even your own. She is an individual, who needs raising in a different way to your other kids. If you try to let her develop her personality in a positive way, without any pressure, you might start seeing some of her nicer qualities.

Best Wishes

Liz xx

Thanks so much for your replys i agree with everything that has been said and i can see now that i am being desprate maybe because i am insecure.I feel quite sorry for my daughter for how i am behaving and i will take a step back and accept that all children are different .I do know deep down that she does love me .Thanks again your replys have put everything in perspective for me

Hi again,

I understand how you feel, I can be rather smothering with my youngest, more or less mauling him at times....insecurity plays a big part, as I didnt feel loved as a child I think that also is a big factor.

I think also you must feel as though you're not doing a good job, because of the feedback you get from her. Don't worry too much, you're obviously a very caring parent, and don't feel too sorry for your daughter either, she is very lucky to have a loving mum, even if its a bit much at times!! Better that than one who neglects their children.

Keep smiling!

Love Liz x