My daughter is 11, and she has a best friend at school. They've been close for 2 years or so, with no signs of drifting apart. This child's home situation is "different". The parents are divorced, but live in the same house - he's downstairs, the mother and child are upstairs. The mother has some issues - I'm not sure what the deal is, medically, but she can't work, can't drive, has constant medical crises, and is a terribly strange person. The father is overprotective to the extreme - this child isn't allowed out in their fenced backyard alone, for example.
I witnessed the mother having a minor emotional breakdown about a year ago, and ever since then, I've disallowed my daughter from going over to their house. As odd as it may sound, given the Father's overprotectiveness, I'm just not comfortable with the "parental" supervision over there. The mother has some ideas about what is appropriate to discuss with pre-teens that I just don't share. My husband thinks I'm overreacting, but he has backed me up so far. Here's the dilemma:
It's this girl's birthday, and she has invited my daughter over for a sleepover birthday party. It's not like she won't be missed if I don't let her go, since only one other girl has been invited.
Should I let my daughter go? Will that undermine my previous rule? (The friend is allowed to come over here, so I'm not trying to break them up completely.) Can I, and should I, relax this rule for a birthday? I don't know what to do - what do you think?
Hmm... tricky one, but I like a challenge...heehee
I would read my gut feeling, you obviously have serious reservations to make this post. Maybe you can't put your finger on it, but to my way of thinking, if it doesn't feel right, there's probably a reason for it. Maybe you could spend some time 'trying to put your finger on it'? Maybe there is something here that is a genuine concern for you, or your daughter - I always say, I would rather be cautious and not need it, than need to be cautious and not be. But she is growing up, you only need to undermine a few parties for her and the dynamic of your relationship will change, you'll be the party pooper, so have a good reason for not letting her go. Something you can explain and she can understand.
On the other hand - How far away is the party? maybe her having a phone for the night? Arrive later and/or leave earlier? Maybe stay for the party but ont overnight?
As kids get a bit older and they socialise more we bump into parents that don't do things they way we have or would want to, its a strange new world! Hang in there, you and your husband have done your jobs well, and she is a resilient and sensible young lady. As for breaking your previous rule...you are the Mum you can do what you want! (as long as you word it properly) You need to look at how you explained it to your daughter when you stopped letting her go there, to work out how you can explain she can go.
Hopefully I didn't give you an answer, but helped your work it out, or maybe I just confused you more!
