Hello,
Im new to this but need some advice.
Yesterday evening me my husband and 2 friends went out to dinner and took our 17 month old son. He was behaving ok till a long wait for food and started to become bored. Even after food had arrived he was still grumping and wouldnt eat but told him he was being naughty and carrried on with our meal. In the end he was starting to get into a real paddy wanting to get out the high chair. I said to leave him and not give in just because he's throwing a tantrum, believing that he needs to understand tantrums will NOT get him what he wants. BUT my husband who was embarrassed took him out as he didnt want to upset an of the other diners?
Now we're arguing over who was right?
My argument is that i cant have him on a day to day basis thinking he can scream to get what he wants for example while supermarket shopping.
My husbands way of thinking is lets save embarassment and think of other people?

Who's right??

Our son is far from daft and picks things up very quickly. And so far i think im controllong his tantrums well.

thank you for any advice

Victoria

I think your hubby was right... eventually but for the wrong reasons. Your son was in what would be a very dull situation for a child and who could blame him for being restless. It would have been better if he'd been entertained sooner (not just removed out of embarrasment) and avoided a full on tantrum. Certainly waiting so nicely deserved some attention! Yes, in general its right to ignore tantrums but a lot of the time distration can prevent one in the first place especially when its a slow build up to one.
Doesn't sound like he was having a 'I want something I can't have' type tantrum, just getting bored silly of sitting doing nothing...not normally something young children enjoy.

Imagine sitting in a group of adults having a conversation in a foreign language...how long before you got bored and frustrated?

The baby was right!!!

Both parents were wrong to put him in a situation which does not respect his limitations. He had to suffer boredom and imobility so you can visit with friends in a restaurant. He wasn't naugty, only normal.

Your husband's action was right for the wrong reason. He should have done this sooner. The reason should be: To meet the baby's need for movement and action.

Read my book. You will learn a lot and it will prevent lots of problems. Also my CDs on babies and toddlers available on amazon.com

Would you mind finding another medium to peddle your book please Dr Aldort?

This forum's about practical advice and support.

Just to respond by saying "You're both wrong, buy my book and find out why" is taking advantage of vulnerable people for your finantial gain.

You are both right in some ways. Your're husband did do the right thing in the restaurant as it would have been unfair to other diners and also you can't expect your child to wait and sit still for so long.

I know how you feel as my son, now 2.5yrs used to be good as gold in resturants in that he would sit whilst we chatted to him until one day he always wanted to get down and run round like a lunatic. I've accepted this and now when I go out with him I take lots of small toys and books to keep him amused and me and Dad take it in turns to walk around with him before and after the meal. We tend to seat him when his food arrives.
I agree with your stance on tantrums and believe consistency is essential but on this occasion I can sympathise with your son and feel your being unreasonable in expecting him to sit for so long. Toddlers are energetic little souls and eager to explore their surroundings.

I suggest that next time you go out, get the food ordered quickly, take toys to amuse him until the food arrives. Have some fun and see if he would like to taste the food from your plate -our son loves Olives and we always laugh as he scrunches his face when he sucks on a lemon slice, he does it all the more because he has an audience and even other diners find it funny. He also has a habit of saying hello to someone and should they acknowledge him then he's like a parrot and won't stop saying 'Hello' so I usually distract him to give the other diners some peace!

I agree with previous suggestions that the best way is to try an avoid the tantrum but should he still have one then you have to use 'time out' as ignoring him isn't fair to others. I now have a 2mth old - long gone are relaxing meals out!

I can assure you that your little one will simmer down as het gets a lttle older just as mine has.

Hope you and your hubby have kissed and made up! As I remind my other half -parenting isn't a competition -sometimes he's right and but I'm always right!