All the things you do make your son worse because he is desperate. Punishment and spanking hurt. No one learns anything when they are hurt. All he learns is, "Mom doesn't love me. I am no good." This causes aggression and out of control behavior.

Children cooperate from their own free will when they see us being totally on their side. The moment we show up as the "police" they go against us if they can. (some obey and become depressed later.)

Please read, Raising Our Children, Raising Oursevles, and learn to understand your son. You will have much relief. You can have a boy who behaves well because he wants to, not because he is afraid of your anger.