Since my 4 year old son moved from a cot to a bed, he has occasionally come into our bedroom in the middle of the night. If he sleeps through the night, it's obviously not a problem. However, recently, it has become more and more frequent. I know we are not being consistent with him by not sending him back to his bed each time but it's getting really difficult to do this now.
My first dilemma is that when he stirs in the night, he automatically storms into our bedroom. Depending on the time, we either send him back (kicking and screaming) or we allow him to sleep in ours if it's after 5am. So I know it's confusing for him as he doesn't have any concept of time.
Secondly, as I have another child (17 months), if he makes too much of a fuss during the night, this disturbs her and will wake her up, so that is why he ends up in our room to keep the peace.
He goes straight to sleep when he comes into our room in the middle of the night, but if we send him back to his room, he will re-appear or shouts from his room several times, for at least the next hour or so. That is why if it's after 5am, I don't bother as we usually get up between 6.30am and 7.00am.
He knows he's not allowed in our room and says each night he won't do it, but he still does. I'm at my wits end as this has happened every night for the past 6 weeks or so and I am so tired.
I know what to do in theory, but for a happy household, in practice it doesn't always work!
Our kids still sneak into bed with us. The rule is they have to start out in there own beds. I figure it is better than fighting about it. My moms advice rings true."Choose ones battles". They don't do it all the time and it has gotten less as they get older but it is just not a big deal in our house.,.
This might help: buy two identical clocks, nice big clear ones, set one to the time he's allowed into your room but don't put any batteries in it, set the other properly, tell him when the hands on both clocks match thats when he can come into your room. If he mixes up the hands, colour code them with stickers.
I am sorry you go through such a struggle. There is really no need for it. Your son can sleep with you in the family bed and he will grow up confident and secure.
Being rejected by you and left to sleep alone is painful and create self-doubt and anxiety. There is no advantage in forcing children to do anything they are not ready for. They are meant to sleep with us. Just do what is easy. In your bed he will be happy and sleep calmly and feel loved. That's how it has been done through history and until 160 years ago and still in most countries.
Relax, respond naturally and enjoy the togetherness.
