Thankyou all very much for your views on this situation. Also thanks Cassie, it's good to see that I'm not the only one who thinks the way my sister is raising her daughter is like emotional abuse.

During the time she was staying with me, I did get her to use the potty for the first time, just not consistantly, but its a start. She was in pullups when she was with me and some days she really made an effort to go on the potty, she didn't like it when the pictures faded away lol. Unfortunately she has totaly regressed since going home, even though my sister has been encouraging her to go and rewarding her when she does. I think my niece thinks now she's back home that she can just go back to diapers. She is back in diapers all the time now, even though my sister asks her often if she wants to go potty, she just says no. My sister is making more effort to potty train her, but she still puts diapers on her which I think it's giving her mixed messages and she wont go at all now. i do feel she will if my sister gets rid of the diapers. I guess there is not much I can do for now and just hope that she decides herself that she wants to stop wearing diapers for good.

Thanks for your help

Lisa

Dear Lisa,

Thank you for coming back to tell us how it has been going. I'm sorry to hear that the good help you gave your niece seems to have been in vain! The good news on the nappy front specifically is that you can be pretty sure the girl will eventually work things out and train herself. More generic emotional issues, however, worry me more.

You say you feel like there is not much you can do now and to some extent of course that is true. But please don't under-estimate how important you are to this little girl that you love. When we have emotional issues at home, the knowledge that there is another adult who will always be there for us is invaluable.

When I was little, my gran was that person. I was rarely allowed to spend time with her and indeed sometimes didn't see her for a few years at a time, while going through some quite traumatic experiences with my mother. But I always had that knowledge that she was there to help me if it came to it. I fantasized for many years about running away to live with her until it came true when I was 15!

I'm not suggesting for a minute that my situation was similar to your niece's, but I do believe that you being there for her, letting her know that you love her in an appropriate rather than narcissistic (sp?) way, and are there to support her is a wonderful gift that she will value for the rest of her life.

cyberhugs,

Cassie


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