Good evening, i'm glad to have found this site, i need help with a big time issue. i just recently returned to my home state to be with family and loved ones after a successful 4.5 years in the military. i have been in trouble with the law since getting out of the military and we as a family decided the best thing to do would be to have me move back with them to my home state and live there for a while until able to get back on my feet again. I am undescribably thankful for all the support and care my parents have shown over the past years and they were there when no one else was for me which to me is heroic in itself. i am currently in the process of exploring career possibilities and filling out applications for jobs with hope of landing a stable income to get my own place once again so i can give my parents their much deserved space. On occasion roughly 2-3 nights a week i enjoy going out with friends n watching football, karaoke, etc. well, as a 25 year old half way to 30 i feel as long as i take resposability within my actions as the man i am, i am unaware of there being a problem with staying out late sometimes until the place closes at 2 am but my mother was constantly calling me worried sick even after we had talked earlier and i had assured her there was a sober driver to give me a ride home. i know it is a mother and fathers tendency to worry for their son and i agree that there should be open communication as to where their son is going in case of an emergency situation ever coming up and a reliable number to get ahold of me. well, now i am under scrutiny with both parents for not coming home until 2 am and they have persisted with saying my actions are disrespectful to them by making them worry like that and they want to impose a curfew if you will on the nights of sunday through thursday. i told them i could not promise them nothing but i did ensure them it wouldnt happen every night or time i went out, i honor my mother and father according to the bible and hold a high amount of respect for both and it hurts bigtime to not know how to handle this situation, they have always been extremely protective on all aspects of my life and have always wanted the best for me, i just dont know how else to tell them that i am at an age to where i know right from wrong and a night is coming up i have a date with a female i met and i refuse to tell this date i have to be home by such time. i'm living under my parents roof for now and have a key to come and go with. i tried comprimise by assuring i would not be out late every time i went out but i cant make no set promises on future dates and curfew, they still said i was not respecting them.they are worried about my past with the law but are also applying the past in their present judgements and accusitions. in short, i need help and advice because i truly care for us as a family and dont want to hurt them or damage us.

You haven't mentioned what time the curfew during the week your parents want to enforce. Personally, while your're living under their roof you should abide by their rules and this situation should spurn you on to work hard (saving your pennies rather than spending it on booze) and get a place of your own. You will need to gain their trust before they can make allowances for you. What would you do if you were in their shoes? You say that at your age you know right from wrong well that's obviously been disproven by the fact you've been in trouble with the law!

i disagree entirely with amanda. i think there is nothing wrong with staying out till 2am as long as you arent getting yourself into trouble.

at your age, you are an adult in all respects and should be allowed to come and go, not only as, but when you please as well.

i think your parents are going to drive you crazy with their overprotectiveness if you live with them for longer than necessary.

so i suggest you dont give into them but work as hard as you can on getting a job so you can get yoru own place as soon as possible.

you are an adult and responsile for your actions. the responsibility your parents had was to bring you up well when you were a child. that time is over now.

if they feel they have failed... thats just tough.

they cant continue to treat you like a little kid.

they keep talking about you not resoecting them. but what are they doing disrespoecting you as an adult?

i think you should get out of there asap.

willow
xxx

LOL ...! I actually agree with BOTH the previous posters. Obviously you're an adult and it would be nice if you were treated as such.

However, at the end of the day you are an (adult) visitor in someone else's home, and your parents have a right to decide what the rules are in their home. I must say if I had a visitor staying I wouldn't be too thrilled if they came home at 2am, mainly because I value my sleep and peace and quiet so much!

Cassie

My Goal for 2007 - to post on my parenting blog every day!

Probably the reason your mother is worrying about you has little to do with your age and more to do with your "trouble with the law". You don't mention what that trouble was, so you're leaving much to the imagination, here.

I would agree that NORMALLY, 25yr olds go party to all hours of the night as they choose, BUT the time they want you home may not have so much to do with you partying out as it does with you disrupting their sleep coming in at the wee hours. If I have a late night with my friends my partner feels the same way -- alot of this is you choosing to be treated "like a child" instead of seeing the situation as a group of what should be MUTUALLY respectful adults. That means you have to respect your parents' wishes while you are in their home as you would expect any houseguest to respect YOUR way of life if it were your home.

Change your attitude and get your life together. For your date night, consider making alternate sleeping arrangements (and no, I don't mean THAT KIND)