Hi Lynn,

I think your fears are understandable, and I'm only going to tell you what you probably already think.

All children get curious about sex and about their bodies, but I feel that at 7 years old, this extent of curiousity is unhealthy. While I'm not suggesting sexual abuse has definately taken place, I do feel that he has seen or heard something or things that have incited this interest.

Do you have an open and relaxed attitude towards discussion about sex? Does he feel he can talk to you and his dad about anything? I was wondering if his dad knows and shares your concerns. Does he have access to pornography, either in the home or online? Your eldest son keeps pics of topless girls, is there any other more explicit material he could have found?

Above all, your investigations regarding this need to be done very sensitively. No guilt or punishment must be involved, and he needs to feel hes a good kid and that he is loved. Do your sons know him well? Does he confide in them so that they might know anything thats worrying him? Has he been acting differently at school?

You need to dig deeper here, I think your concerns are well founded, and this little boy needs some help.

Best of luck

Liz x

I do agree that there is cause for concern, but from what you've said in your post he's taken one card and a condom...do you not thing its a bit ott to be having everyone hiding there things over something so minor? Just I would say that getting his trust was priorty here and thats sending out a very different message. Maybe I've misread what your saying.

I agree with you Ellie, what he's doing isn't really stealing as such, just taking things hes curious about. If he were taking money, or possessions of value, I would see the need for securing belongings. I do get a bit of a "him and us" vibe here, which is a shame. The hiding of possessions seems extreme, and it seems the older boys have been quick to judge the little one as a thief. This child needs love and reassurance right now.

Thanks guys, after re-reading my message I can see where your coming from with your comments. I have actually only listed a few events that have occurred in the past few weeks, prior to this there have been many, many instances of lying and stealing. I also failed to include any details about his home environment with his mum. He has told me previously that the step children in that house often sneak into their mum's room and look at "dirty" magazines and that these kids often take his belongings and he therefore seems to think this is "normal".

I guess my problem is that we only have him part of the time and the two households have completely different morals and standards so it is very confusing for him going between the two.

At the same time, I struggle to justify his action's to my kids, who on a majority of the time have an excellent relationship to him.

I guess what I'm really trying to avoid is the them and us attitude, but I'm really falling into that trap.

In relation to the sexual matters. Our home doesn't have any other pornography apart from the Ralph cards. We are far from free about sexual matters, probably a little conservative. I discuss these matters freely with my children, but not at such an early age as what my step-son is showing such keen interest in the top.

We hear people say that Mum's go on "gut" instinct. My instinct is telling me that something isn't right, but I'm just not sure what. My suspicion is that the step-children in the other household may be influencing or even interfering with him more than is appropriate.

Comments/thoughts????

Lynn

Does sound like he's been exposed to more adult material than is healthy for him. I think you may have to talk to him about sex, explain that the images he's seeing are just fantasy as a lot of porn is degrading but he's not old enough to understand the difference between the pictures and sex within a loving relationship. Focus on the relationship side of things. Obviously not much you can do to stop him from being shown it but try to put it into context for him so that he can have a healthier attitude about it.
If you believe that he has been interfered with in any way then maybe it would be best to call the RSPCC or parentline and discuss it with them for there opinion on the matter and advice on how to deal with it.