I'm a very irritable mum due to my 10wk baby son Tom sleeping too much during the day and waking up several times in the night when I want to sleep. His brother who is now 2.5yrs was sleeping through from 8wks and still enjoys a 1.5-2hr afternoon nap. I have tried to keep Tom awake more in the day but he can't seem to stay awake for more than 1.5hr, also haven't been able to structure his 3 daytime naps so that he has a nap in the morning, afternoon and late afternoon. Instead he's forever napping and consequently this leads to several night wakings where I can't settle him to sleep. My other half conveniently never hears him crying! I feel constantly tired. I'm being so clumsy that I often walk into the doorways round the house, forever dropping things (no -I'm not drunk!) and my memory has gone to pot. For the past 3 nights I have stopped his 2-3am feed and this has now had the desired effect of him taking bigger feeds in the day. When he wakes in the night I gave him water but after two sips he loses interest and so I'm confident he's not hungry. I have on several occasions tried to settle him to no avail and have gone back to bed being so desperate to sleep that I have shut his door and my door and switched the monitor to mute and have ignored him and left him to cry. This makes me feel guilty and I'm wondering if I'm harming him psychologically.I long for a nights uninterrupted sleep and would welcome any ideas to get Tom out of this vicious circle so he sleeps through the night and I can get my sanity back.

OK, first, during the night, kick dad harder! He has to play his part in taking care of the baby. Nothing rubs your nose in your lack of sleep like other people snoring through it all. I quite like the dump baby on dad and go downstairs for a cuppa method myself!

Second, dad also needs to take care of your elder child at the weekends and evenings for some of the time so you can sleep when the baby does and catch up a bit. Point out to him that sleep deprivation is a form of tortue and no wonder your irratable. Its his baby too, nothing stopping you from getting your coat and leaving him to it while you go for a walk/kick some cats(mentally off course!)/curse at passing traffic...whichever does it for you. I actually sat on a wall and fell asleep I was so tired with my son, so I do understand just what your going through atm.
As for leaving your baby to cry, well no thats not ideal but theres not one of us who hasn't done it. Far more damaging to go into him wound up and angry. I ended up doing it on a rota system, 45 minutes with the baby, 15 with the door shut to recover. Mostly I managed with just a few minutes break but having the system helped me cope mentally with it all rather than getting wound up through the day and having to leave him to cry because I could't cope any more. Ideally we'd all be there 24/7 but with a difficult baby your sanity is the most important thing, no-one can care for a baby properly when they're stressed all the time. Don't beat yourself up over it.

An idea might be when your baby is sleeping you and your elder child head of to bed, put the tv on for him for an hour or so while you rest if not sleep, just make your room childproof and put a gate up at the door so if you do nod off hes not in danger.Not a big fan of too much telly but again a whole lot better than an irrattable mum and something I do myself to survive bad days. Make use of freinds and family, usually they come round cooing over the baby but ask them to take your elder son out for an hour instead and go back to bed.

Might be an idea to talk to your GP too as you show signs of PND and he can help you through that. Dad really needs to pull his finger out though. I go for the more in your face method but maybe you could talk to him and say what you've said here and get him to realise just how you feel atm. If not, get your coat and go out, let him get a taste of it for himself and hopefully spur him into supporting you more.
Oh, one more thing, if dad isn't going to play ball, try contacting homestart if your in the uk (just google them for contact details) they help out with families that have children under 5 and if nothing else will at least give you a listening ear to help you cope with the next few weeks.

Cheers Ellie

Have spoken with Dad and he has started to make more of an effort. He admits that he finds it difficult to get up during the early hours and so the deal is that when possible he'll look after them both whilst I rest. However I'm finding things better now and don't feel as tired. Baby Tom has his last feed between 10-11pm and tends to sleep till 4am. He then wakes a couple more times but I just give him water and his dummy and he goes back to sleep.When I am disturbed it's only for a few mins and so I can cope with that. I think he's got the message that when in his cot it's sleep time! I'm still a little concerned that he still sleeps alot in the day but I'll just see how things go.

hi amanda,

firstly i would say - don't be so hard on yourself! all babies are different and it sounds like you were very lucky with your eldest with getting him to sleep through the night. some babies don't sleep right through until they are a few months old.

i agree that your partner does need to help you out more and am pleased that you've spoken to him about this and it has improved a bit. yes, i'm sure he does find it hard to get up in the night but don't we all?! perhaps agree to take it in turns to get up with baby?

it's not great to shut the door, mute the monitor and leave him crying but i do understand that you're at your wits end.

all i would say is just try to get by now with help from your partner (and friends family as suggested above), it's a good idea trying to nap when baby does. could you maybe put your eldest in nursery a couple of afternoons a week?

sorry i can't be more help

em x

Thanks em.

Yes my eldest does go to nursery 3 days a week as I didn't want to upset his routine because I'll be going back to work (for a rest!) in June.

Father's excuse for not taking it in turns during the week is that he works all day -(whilst I obviously just chill out all day...doing the cleaning, washing, ironing and cooking etc ...as well as being a mum -MEN!

Am not feeling as tired these last few days, was diagnosed being anemic and on iron tablets so finally my iron levels must be returning back to normal. Was anemic with my eldest but was so bad I ended up having a blood transfusion so didn't really suffer with the symptons at home.

Tom being alot more wakeful today, has just had a few short naps and in fact I can't get him to have an afternoon nap! Think I'll take the opportunity to go on an outing!