Hi,
I work from a particular point of view which says that what is going on in your nearest and dearest is a reflection of what is going on in you. You know,how Louise Hay sees physical illness as psychological symptoms, I see the whole of life that way - in theory!! This could be your partner, children, family, your house. It's all a mirror.

First off he is crying for help. He's displaced this fear of not being safe, of wanting to be saved into the physical realm.
Secondly, to me, it speaks of some kind of emergency in him. An emergency is an emergence trying to happen Something is being resisted - maybe your main relationship needs some attention?
He is also acting out a victim role, and dependency - how maturely have you looked at your hidden needs, are you independent, do you face your feleings, are you needy and hide it? Thinfs like that can really help.
And what about hius birth -what was that like?
And do you have reason to think he might not trust your judgement about his emotional well being - how connected are you to your feleings..how sensitive are you? Maybe ask your partner...plus your partner is a mirror - honest!
He is responding in a wrong way to swend out a message -what is the message?
No such thing as a perfect parent and getting over that one really helps your kids - we all makes mistakes - daily!

I do lots on this and free reports/newsletters etc no strings blah blah blah at www.childproblem.co.uk
David Peet

Hi,
what a tricky issue. I'm not sure that it's necessarilly a reflection on you as parents at all. your boy is very clever, and this button that he pushes to get your undivided attention is an excellent tool as far as he is concerned. he does know how much you love him, and he uses you concern for his health, to get a show of your devotion, whenever he feels like it. unfortunately, it's a control thing, he yells, you jump. and there's no finer button to press than the 'i feel ill' button.
you can see the physical stuff, but the headache isn't so easy. I'm sure you've tried this but have another go.
if it's something you can't see, take him back in time 10 years and help him into his nightwear, and then insist he gets into bed, cover on, light out, no TV or contact with others, door closed. wait 10 minutes, go back and make the fuss you'd make over a 4 year old, but make sure he stays in bed.
make noise, do exaggerrated family stuff, you know, make dinner, have a drink, have a good loud laugh, make life outside the bedroom where he is, much more inviting than being ill.
You need to reinforce the fact that being ill isn't attractive and continue to make this treatment the standard one. I think your son will son forget how much fun it is to cry wolf, and your instinct will let you know if there is a headache.
you should let your immediate family, Mum, dad, & regular visitors know that you don't want any talk of ilness when they are around, and that no sympathy is to be forthcoming. you could also make enquiries at school to see if he is mimicking the behaviour there, or if there's an issue at school that makes him feel he can behave this way.
good luck with this, Debs

yes have to agree with debs, unless you think he's being genuine, tell him if he's not well then he needs to be in his pyjamas and in bed. Its usually possible to make a sensible judgement about these things, on occasion your going to have to double check to be on the safe side but trust your instincts. Also if you do have to take him to the hospital have a quiet word witht the staff and say he's done this a lot for attention in the past so please no fussing over him. I would say definitely a plea for your attention for whatever reason so find a way of him getting it in other ways.