Hi
My eldest daughter is 6 yrs old and I am at the end of my tether with her.
Every night I have a battle with her to learn her 10 spellings or any other homework also her behaviour is terrible, wont do anything anybody asks her to do.
Last night was terrible I really lost it with her, I feel so ashamed I shook her and shouted at her,we were both crying in the end.
I really need some advice on how to handle her..

It's a funny thing but our effectiveness, the willingness others have to hear what we are saying, to take it on board and even change, depends on the attitude and energy which underlies what we are communicating. If we are driven by a need then there is little chance of being heard let alone responded to positively. If there is a 'have to' or a 'must' or an 'ought' in the attitude, this undermines the integrity of the communication and things tend to go a bit pear shaped. Wanting to give truly into a situation, not letting our love be stopped by others behaviour, these are very valuable gifts of parents to their children. But where we 'need' our children to be a certain way to stop us having to face feeling bad, this is the awkward territory that most parents find themsleves in. The answer is simple - face and feel the feelings brought up in you by the situation, heal that- because this pain was there before your children were even born, and you can be more centred, more mature, more true and more effective altogether. But where there is a storm in you, or a feeling of deperation, sure enough your children will act it out out for you.
David Peet
I do free reports etc at www.childproblem.co.uk

Hi Ang. Sounds like you are somewhere in Asian countries like Singapore? If yes, perhaps you wanna try home schooling? That would ease up the never-ending homework problems both your daughter and you are facing right now and channel the time you have with each other to more positive activities which contributes to quality time together. Quality time with kids is of utmost importance to both the parents and the kids.

Ooooh don't those 6yo's think they are independent!!?? We have spent the first few years teaching them all they need to know, then suddenly they use it against us!! Grrr.....

I think their idea is, push a button, it just might work.

Ellie has great advice in another post, if asking her to do something doesn't work - then tell her! Your daughter is just learning her place in the world, and she thinks she is the boss, you just need to adjust her thinking a little...

Maybe try things like, if her spelling isn't done she can't watch her fave tv show, or eat dessert, or whatever works, and stick to it even through her tears and tantrums. Every action has a reaction, and maybe it isn't the one she planned on. Bad behaviour means early to bed, or friends can't come to play. Speaking disrespectfully never gets her what she wants, and if she tries to embarrass you, embarrass her right back! raise your voice just a little and say that she shouldn't speak to you like that, its rude and she cant have what she wants, that you taught her to be a good girl and where is that good girl today?... then when she reacts badly ( because she will!! ) tell her bad behaviour/ disrespect does not change your mind. She will soon learn that being pouty/ loud/ disrespectful/ naughty doesn't work out too well.


phew... where did all that come from, I had a bad day today... think I'll go and have a cuppa!

jen

P.S. Dont forget to tell her you love her, its an easy thing to do when you are stressed, tired and cranky.

Thankyou for your advise, I always tell her I love her and she hates it at times because she is so angry.