When I was growing up I had loving and nurturing parents who did spend alot of time with me. There were times though that they did grown up things or just wanted space and I went off by myself to play. I spent at least an hour a day playing with my toys in my room or pretending things outside, I enjoyed my space as much as they did and I think thats healthy isn't it? Our five year old is like cling wrap, he is intellegent, polite, obediant and generally more than any parent could ask for. Some times however if he isn't playing with his friends I begin to feel really smothered. I think his friends feel the same way and sometimes make excuses to go home early. His father doesn't mind the constant need for a companion and watches cartoons with him all day long, plays games with him and lets him tag along almost everywhere. Thats really great until we do need a moment alone, or we need to work on a project we can't include him in. I tell him to go play on his own for a while and he whines that he doesn't know how to. Am I being unrealistic? Can a five year old be expected to play by himself for an hour or two? I feel that if he continues to be this clingy that it may negitivly effect his ability to make friends and good decisions later on. I don't want our son to be annoying and co-dependant and I don't want him to be sheep doing what ever someone else tells him to do? Is this a self esteem issue? Also his mother has five kids of different ages and when he is there he is never allowed to go do his own thing because she feels it would be unfair to his younger step brother who has ADHD (Severe, that they aren't willing to deal with) So while Our son CAN control himself and do the right thing if his little brother tagged along he wouldn't be able to. This really frustrates me because we feel that each boy is an independant person and should be given privaliges according to their maturity level and ability to be obediant. Help!
hi!and i really understand!what helps is that your child has already told you the problem:he does nt know how to manage his time alone. it would be very difficult for you if your husband does not co-operate. the child would never be able to take responsibility for himself. a good idea is to make a routine for him where work, playtime, meal time ect are clear to the child. screen time has to be limited to max half hour a day for if you dont now;you have instilled a habit he wont be able to break...you ll have to include an hour of intense mom-son time specially before bed;reading stories can help.in the day, preferably when his dad is nt around to entertain him,specify to him that momma needs an hour for her own time and then go read a book for an hour. he ll want to immitate the adult behavior..
I think if he honestly doesn't know how to enjoy himself alone, there are some things that could help him in that direction.
Children love to be creative and show you what they can make... building block sets with special pieces like windows/doors, wheels, trees, platforms, etc. can really help to steer the process until he learns to use his own imagination more.
In your time together, work on fun creative projects (lots of resources and instructions on the 'net!) and have him do everything except the cutting (he might even be fine with child safety scissors). Play lots of "let's pretend" games, dress-up, role-play, etc. Let him build forts out of couch cushions and blankets, or whatever's on hand. This will help get his own imagination stirring.
Pencil crayons, washable wax crayons, a colouring book or two and plenty of paper, on a table just his size (garage sales are wonderful for cheap kids' furniture!)... Be prepared to help and encourage alot until he gets comfortable on his own. If you appear bored with it initially, he won't develop much interest, but if you are involved and having fun at first then he will soon pick it up on his own.
If you have spent much time reading with him he can probably read some simple books on his own (or spend time with you learning until he can).
This way, if he whines that he doesn't know what to do, make a few suggestions and leave it at that. If he says he doesn't want to do any of those things, then just say, "I'm sure you'll think of something." He needs to develop some confidence on his own.
