It may be helpful for your son to see a councilor to help him deal with the issues that are making him angry.It maybe things that have built up inside of him over time and the only way he can see to let out his emotions is in angry outbursts.I have a chair under my apple tree outside that I ask my children to sit on if they feel that they are mad and angry.They can sit there until they have calmed down and it stops me from getting entangled with their anger which can happen if you stay around it too long.

Anger is a good emotion if redirected and controlled so that it is used to get things accomplished.He just needs guidance as to how to do this.

thank you for your replies,
my son came to visit for the day,
my mum and dad took my youngest out so we could spend time together,
we chatted a lot about how we could try and get on better as a family,
i asked him if he was coming home, he said no he was going to stay with his dad for now, as it was easier for him and he didn't feel so wound up all the time.
i must admit i feel like a total failier, i never expected this to happen, i miss him so much even through its much calmer in the home, i just want him home with me.
i know i have to respect his wishes and let him make his own choices.
i just wish i was his choice.
thanks again for replying
x debs x