hi
im new to this site,
was just looking for some advice on my teenage boy,
i have a 14 year old and an 11 year old son with ADHD.

i spilt from my husband in jan this year, he has moved in with his new partner and 2 children,
she has a boy of 11 and a girl of 9,

my boys stay with their dad once a fortnight, in our home and i leave for the weekend.

the problem im having is my 14 year old has become very very angry, he hits out at my younger son shouts and swares at me, then storms off to stay at his dads,
he says he hates his younger brother and can't stand living with him, that i let him get away with everything and never tell him off.

my youngest is a handfull and im doing my best to keep on top of him when he winds his brother up, but to be honest its fifty fifty when it comes to who causes the trouble.

i use removel of their best liked things for punishments, like tv pc and so on, but my 14 year old becomes so angry, he becomes out of control.

hes at his dads now and has asked to come home for the holidays, but i just dont know how to handle him when he becomes so angry, the last blast he had was on sunday when he said everything that had happened was all my youngest's fault!

its getting so im not sure if i even want him home.

i love him to bits but its tearing me apart and i feel so helpless, he wouldn't dream of behaving like this with his dad,
this is out of fear not respect.

does anyone have any sugestions?

I havn't any miracle suggestions but I needed to write because you sound so upset.
I work in a secondary school and see this behaviour all the time, although admittedly it is in an educational setting.
Hormones play a big part in a 14 yaer olds life and I'm sure that the problems are based there. It may be he resents your yongest sons problems because of the attention he gets for it. mountains are made out of molehills for these young adults,It probably feels to him that any attention your youngest son gets is magnified by 100 and he feels left out.
Insecurity may be also playing a role here.
Just try to be patient with him. I'm sure he will grow out of it as he matures. Unfortunatly that doesn't make it any easier for you.
I'm sorry I can't help at all but I do feel for you.
Good luck and remember you love your family. Regardless.
Nicki

It may be helpful for your son to see a councilor to help him deal with the issues that are making him angry.It maybe things that have built up inside of him over time and the only way he can see to let out his emotions is in angry outbursts.I have a chair under my apple tree outside that I ask my children to sit on if they feel that they are mad and angry.They can sit there until they have calmed down and it stops me from getting entangled with their anger which can happen if you stay around it too long.

Anger is a good emotion if redirected and controlled so that it is used to get things accomplished.He just needs guidance as to how to do this.

thank you for your replies,
my son came to visit for the day,
my mum and dad took my youngest out so we could spend time together,
we chatted a lot about how we could try and get on better as a family,
i asked him if he was coming home, he said no he was going to stay with his dad for now, as it was easier for him and he didn't feel so wound up all the time.
i must admit i feel like a total failier, i never expected this to happen, i miss him so much even through its much calmer in the home, i just want him home with me.
i know i have to respect his wishes and let him make his own choices.
i just wish i was his choice.
thanks again for replying
x debs x